


Others Things

by Kynsi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, But don't worry you'll have smut in the meantime, Daydreaming, Dream Sex, F/M, Fluff, HP: EWE, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Legilimency, No Bashing, PTSD, Past Romione, Porn With Plot, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Severus Snape Lives, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:19:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7822936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kynsi/pseuds/Kynsi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione Granger was not really the kind of person you’d catch daydreaming in class, no, she was too much of a good student for that. However, when she suddenly remembers a weird and lustful dream she had at night, her focus is going to vanish. After the horror of the War, will broken souls find their way to peace?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So uhm... this is my first smut fanfiction, and I don't know how to feel about it. A part of me wants to bury myself in shame, the other one is actually wondering if people are going to like it.  
> For the record, I have no beta and I am not a native speaker of English so I hope I'm not gonna hurt you poor reader eyes and make you die of laughter because of my writings. 
> 
> Let's hope you enjoy a "ride" in the dunjeons~

Hermione woke up feeling weird that morning. She took a quick shower and jumped in her school uniform before going to the Great Hall to eat her breakfast. She felt like her night had been restless, yet she couldn’t remember any dreams, if there was any to blame. She shrugged and tried to shake off the feeling.

“Hi ‘Mione!” Harry said with a sleepy smile. He never had been a morning person once since she met him. “You okay?” He asked after yawning.

“Y-yeah, just feeling a bit... troubled, I’d say, probably a nightmare.”

The War ended last year, yet the Trio still had to deal with all the horror they had been through. Everyone had been supporting them during the War, but now no one was there to tell them how to cope with life afterwards. Harry was badly affected and had nightmares almost every night, while Hermione still struggled to accept the scar Bellatrix made on her arm, not to say the torture that came with it. Unfortunately, her mood swings after the War didn’t really help with the relationship between her and Ron. He was somehow still grieving Fred, which she could understand, but she understood pretty quickly that he needed someone out of the War. Someone that wouldn’t be a living memory of all the trouble and pain he’d been through. It hurt a bit at first, because Hermione couldn’t see herself with anybody else. She needed someone who could understand her fragilised soul, someone that wouldn’t avoid talking about the War, someone that would relate to what she felt. Not that Ron couldn’t, but he always refused to talk about it. Voldemort didn’t only scarred Hogwarts, he took a lot of lives, he ruined Harry’s, but he also indirectly messed up her relationship with Ron, that could have worked. The Golden Trio had decided to finish their school years in Hogwarts, now that it was finally peaceful… And now was their first and last chance of being foolish teenagers. Graduation was near and Hermione could say she felt better and better, even though her mental state wasn’t always rainbows and unicorns. More like blood and death. Memories.

Ron arrived almost too late to eat but grabbed something and stuffed it in his mouth before going to class with his friends. His grades, as well as Harry’s, got better now that they could focus on it, even though they weren’t as good as hers. The first class she had was Potions. Around September, Professor Snape came back from the wizard hospital. His wound healed but a big scar was visible on his neck. It was really a miracle that he survived. Since then, he changed. He was still cynical, somehow cruel, but something about him was different. He looked more peaceful, despite his frequent frowning and snorting in pupil’s faces and his mockery felt emptier by the month.

“Open your potion book page 56,” the teacher said as he slammed the door.

 

Hermione did so and quickly read the potion’s ingredients. Suddenly, she had a flash of her dream, blurred images of something that looked somehow… sensual. No. It was definitely more than sensual. She quickly tried to forget about it. Potions were not about daydreaming. Actually, there was no worse place than this one to do so.

She went to fetch what she needed, but she could not properly focus.

 

~~~~~Dream Memories~~~~~

 

“What is it that you wish of me, Miss Granger?" Professor Snape said as she was, apparently, alone in the potion classroom. “Is detention no enough distraction for you?” he said, lowering his voice.

“Well, let’s just say that there are other things I fancy more than this, obviously,” she answered, her eyes not leaving her sheet.

“What kind of _other things_ are you exactly talking about?”

She frowned, trying hard to find a good answer to the question. In the meantime, he got closer to her desk and kept on looking intensely at her.

“U-uhm, I… why are you even asking me this? Since when do you care about what I like or don’t like to do?” she replied fiercely.

“Curiosity, mostly”

She sighted. If there was something she hated about that man, it was that she couldn’t read him, no matter how hard she tried. After all, he was an excellent occlument, so it was not so surprising.

“Well, _sir_ , I fancy writing and reading for sure,” she said with annoyance.

He snorted.

“Really, those are the _other things_ the Great Hermione Granger fancies. Beware, you would never have guessed it!”

She turned red and this time, it was more than annoyance. “Don’t mock me! You are the one asking absurd questions! What if I asked you the same?!”.

“I’d tell you that those _other things_ I fancy are definitely not as prude as yours,” he whispered in her ear, dangerously close from her.

She tried to take her deep breath to mask her blush but couldn’t. She could smell him now. Parchment and ink, better than she would have ever guessed. At loss for words, she looked at him, trying to figure out what he wanted. She couldn’t believe he would say such things without wanting to embarrass her and she was not going to play shy. She clearly understood what he was referring to, even though it just gave her the urge to look away in shame and disbelief.

“Of course they are other things I like to do, I just don’t feel like talking about my sexual life with my teacher”

“I never mentioned anything about sex”

“I… Oh come on, we both know this is what you meant, Professor. I’m not a fool and I know you said that to embarrass me and I’m telling you, it is not going to work, not this time”

He looked amused and smirked at her, slowly turning away to go back to his desk. Her stiff muscles relaxed and finally she could breathe again.

“What if I told you… I just wanted to see how you would react to it? You definitely are not the prude virgin everyone believes you to be then?”

She couldn’t believe it. He was acting so confident, talking about her like that was simply disrespectful. She didn’t remember her teacher to be so… curious.

“What the hell is it that you want? Either you tell me, right here, right now, either I’m out of this detention!”

“I’d probably tell you that we could do _other things_ during your detention rather than copying lines again and again,” he answered, his gaze never leaving her, not even for a second.

“What?!”

Was he really implying what she thought? She should be running away. She definitely should. Yet she was stuck here, wondering how even would turn out now. He couldn’t be serious, he couldn’t possibly have considered something like that.

 

~~~~~Reality~~~~~

 

“Miss Granger, what is taking you so long? Can’t you read names on bottles?” Professor Snape took her out of her dreamlike state.

She quickly grabbed what she needed and when back to her desk, avoiding his look at all cost. She couldn’t have dreamed that, it was utterly foolish and stupid and… not disgusting but… wrong. What, not disgusting? Shouldn’t she be disgusted by the simple idea of shagging her Potion professor. Sure, he wasn’t really handsome, but his intellect definitely made up for it and he wasn’t ugly either. No. She shouldn’t be thinking about this. What if he read her thoughts? Why couldn’t she stop all those dream memories to slither in her mind.

“Miss Granger, are you going to prepare that potion any time soon or daydream about other things?”

“Others things?! she blurted out. N-no, I was just… distracted, my apologies.”

He sighted and turned back to check other student’s cauldrons as new memories popped up in her head.

 

~~~~~Dream memories~~~~~

 

“W-what do you mean?” she managed to ask.

“Don’t be such a prude girl, will you? Or do you prefer for me to ask? By _other things_ , yes I mean sex, and by _we_ , yes I mean the two of us”

Her said nothing for a minute, observing her reaction.

“And since you haven’t run away yet…” He came closer again, his lips now touching her right ear. “I’d say you are considering the offer. There is no shame in there, miss Granger, I am a man, you are now a woman, and I can’t deny your brains is really… exciting sometimes. And right now, I wouldn’t mind engaging in some kind of intercourse with you. I do know I’m not the most handsome man ever, but you’re still here, so I could guess that you’re interested in my offer, right?”.

She barely managed to talk “M-maybe”.

He stared at her one more time before cupping her face with one of his hand and draw her in a deep heated kiss. At that point, she couldn’t even consider pulling back. She put her arms around his neck, so that he would not stop. She felt so light, so out of control yet so good. His hand travelled in her back to land on her waist. She shivered and hold him tighter as a response. She slowly opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to meet hers. They fought for dominance for a bit, until Hermione let herself get drown too deep into the kiss to keep that on. She felt so much heat at that moment she thought she was melting in his arms.

“That sure as hell is not something I don’t fancy,” she said, all flustered.

“Then I’m not going to stop” He breathed out, grabbing her hips and gently pushing her towards the desk so that she would be able to lean on it.

He removed her Gryffindor tie and opened her shirt so he would have access to her neck. His kisses slowly left her mouth to attack her neck, slightly pulling her skin with his teeth. She couldn’t help but moan, now grabbing his shirt, and clumsily unbuttoning his deep black shirt.

“What would people think? Granger making out with her old Potion master, what a scandal.”

“Shut up,” she fought back. “Or I could change my mind”.

He smiled slyly, looking at her with eyes full of lust. This was the first time she ever saw him smile for real, and not because he was mocking someone or enjoying their failures. Tired of her slow finger, he removed his robes, and soon after, his shirt landed on the floor with them. A part of her mind was screaming at her for doing such a thing in such a place, yet she found it strangely thrilling. Nobody would come here anywhere and it made her feel good, so how could it be so wrong?

He licked her earlobe and found his way under her shirt. He slowly touched her sides, making her fall into the embrace a bit more. He put it off her and started to kiss her shoulders, always taking his time. He pushed her a bit more on the desk, so she was fully sat on it as he grabbed her tights to wrap her legs around his waist. Hermione stopped, surprised as she felt a hard bulge in his trousers. At least she wasn’t the only one enjoying this. She kept him close and started to take some initiative by kissing his neck, which made him groan impatiently.

“Miss Granger, will you not rush things?” He feinted scolding her.

“No. Hermione. Right now, I’m a woman, right, so call me by my name”.

“Mmh, okay, then call me Severus”.

“What if I like to call you Professor?” she mused.

Her kissed her again. “Then call me whatever you want for now… Hermione”.

He cupped her breast in one hand and kept a firm grip on her tight with the other one to keep her as close to him as he could. Her body felt all warm, all pure, all light, as if it was made to match all the darkness in his heart. He then unstrapped her bra and she threw it on the floor with his robes. She was a bit ashamed to act suddenly so daring, but tonight, she would forget about the rules. Tonight she would feel, and if that meant enjoying having sex with her teacher, that was okay with her.

He started rolling one of her nipples with his thumb as he was kissing the other one, teasing it with it tongue until Hermione was nothing more than moans and heated breathes. She yet managed to pull out for a second and he thought she would tell him to stop now.

“What about doing something about this?” She said, looking at the bulge in his trousers. With no further warning she opened up his buckle and he started kissing her on the mouth again as she slipped one hand into his boxers to grab his shaft. He moaned loudly as she wrapped her hand around it and started rubbing it slowly. She could slowly feel him losing control. Surprisingly, she liked how powerful it felt to have him at her mercy now. She increased the pace, noticing how he was now in her neck, gasping for air. His hand went from her tight to her lower belly and he gently pulled out her underwear, leaving her only with a skirt, shoes and socks.

“Professor…” she whispered. "Can I remove the rest of my clothes or are you the one rushing things now?” she said despite her flushed face.

“Let me do that for you,” he said, taking her shoes and sock off in a few quick motions. She stood up so she could finally remove that annoying skirt and he removed what was left of his own clothes.

“Go back on the desk,” he ordered.

She sat back there without any hesitation and drove him closer to finally close the gap between her. She grabbed and guided his shaft into her and moaned when he was finally inside. They stayed a few seconds without moving, enjoying the feel of their bodies being united as one. He slowly started moving into her. His grip on her hips made her more stable on the desk. All tangled together, they started moving in unison, lost in each other.

“Look at me,” he breathed out. “I want to see you face”.

She then saw something she would have never thought. It looked like tenderness, care, love?. He increased the pace while finding the way to her clit with one of his thumb. There no way she was having control over anything right now. He started rubbing it, still savouring the feelings of having her so close, as close as bodies could ever be. Intoxicated with each other sent, the only music to their ears was each other’s pleasure moans and grunts.

“Prof…Severus…I,” she muttered, completely sunk in the moment they were sharing. She started moved her hips even more, craving more friction yet still clinging to his neck, kissing him, moaning, losing it completely.

She reached her climax in his arms and as she found her relief, he thrusted some more times and joined her into bliss and oblivion, softly crying out her name.

 

 ~~~~~Reality~~~~~

 

“That are some interesting thoughts, Miss Granger, however, your potion is still not done and the class is over. If you want to keep on with good grades, I’d suggest not letting _other things_ get in your mind during class, will you? Class dismissed”.

She didn’t need more to guess he used legilimency on her, at a moment worse than she could have ever feared.

 


	2. Fighting shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one happens directly after the chapter (which for me will be considered chapter 0) and includes Snape and Hermione's reaction to the situation. Enjoy~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first of all, I want to thank you people for your kudos and lovely reviews! ♥  
> Really, it is so supportive and I am so glad that you encourage me to write more. Plus, it's an occasion for me to improve my english writing skills :)

Hermione stepped out of the Potions classroom feeling sick. He did see her dream. And not any dream. Snape had seen thoughts where they were shamelessly having sex in that same classroom. She could have handled any of his mockery about her looks, her brain abilities, but this was just too much. He saw a part so intimate of herself that she would never be able to look at him ever again. She knew he would make sure to mock her even more now.

“Hermione, are you okay?” Ron asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You look really pale…”

“I just… No. No I’m not fine…” she answered with teary eyes.

Would he tell the whole Hogwarts staff? She would now be the talk of the school for a dream she didn’t even understand? Was he cruel enough to ruin her reputation? For what she knew of him, she feared he would actually love to.

“What’s wrong?” the ginger asked as Harry joined the conversation.

“Oh my, ‘Mione, why ‘you crying? You’ shaking! It is not because of the potion you didn’t finish, is it?”

She shook her head, incapable of saying a single word. She had been through the War, through the Battle of Hogwarts, she infiltrated Gringotts, hunted Horcruxes, yet she was panicking because the most dreaded teacher of Hogwarts saw the erotic dream she had about him. She didn’t even consider once this idea, yet now he was probably thinking the exact opposite.

“Do you want to go to the Hospital Wing?” Harry asked, concerned.

“No. It’s n-no use. Come on, I did the War, I can definitely get over a bad day!” she said, putting on a fake smile.

Her friends, of course, noticed that she was faking it but knew better than to argue with her. She quickly wiped her tears with her sleeves. She wouldn’t have Potions the next day, and she would figure out a way to cope with this. There must be a way out of this situation.

 

The day went on really slowly for Hermione. She tried to focus on her class, but unfortunately, she couldn’t, too caught up in her own mind, trying to find a solution to her problem. During the Transfiguration class, she almost blew up a toad, while the assignment was to make it a falcon. Even a fourth year could have done that but she was so worried that she could not practice magic without being a danger to everyone around.

“Miss Granger, may I have a word with you?” Professor McGonagall asked as their class – the last one of the day – was over.

“Of course, Professor,” Hermione said, her voice weaker than she would’ve wished.

“You have been pretty distracted all class long, I must admit I am a bit worried, is anything wrong?”

At that moment, she knew that denying everything would be a mistake.

“Lately I have had a lot of nightmares. You know, everything that happened during with Voldemort was so… terrible that I sometimes get stuck in memories… that I would rather forget…”

McGonagall seemed satisfied with her answer as she offered the girl support whenever she would feel like it, if ever. She thanked her Headmaster, grabbed her bag and left without other words. She quickly found her way to the common room and settled in her dormitory to try and do her homework.

After some time, she managed to finish her Runes assignment. She took parchment and checked her schedule, taking a look at what she had to do next. Potions. Great. Now she remembered her dream again. The dream _he_ saw too.

“Hermione?” Ginny quietly stepped in the room before sitting on her bed. “Something had been bugging you, right? The boys are kind of worried about you, so I thought I might as well check on you. What’s wrong? You know you can tell me!”

Why was everyone so insistant today? All she wanted was to forget about that terrible day, about that stupid and silly dream.

“I… Ginny, I can’t. I’m just too ashamed. I can’t…” she said as her hands started to shake nervously.

“It’s just the two of us, come on, you’ll feel better”.

“Maybe you’re right… Tonight I had a really, really weird dream. Actually, a really wrong one… And uhm… this morning in Potions, I got distracted by it, since I was slowly remembering it, and Snape saw it… I feel so ashamed, you have no idea”

Ginny fell quiet for a moment, pondering what words she should use.

“Let me get this clear. You had a wet dream, and Snape saw it?”

Hermione blushed even harder than she already was. She breathed in and out slowly, trying to regain her self-control.

“In short, yes. Ginny, I can’t look at him in the eyes anymore. I don’t even understand that stupid dream! It makes no sense to me…”

“What… no. Who was it about then? It cannot be so terrible, what would he have to care about it anyway?” 

“Because… It was about _him_. I swear, it is the first time it happened, and of course, he had to use legilimency on me at that right moment. Just my luck…” Hermione said, her voice like a whisper.

Dumbfounded, Ginny stared at the floor for a moment that seemed like eternity for her friend.

“Okay, that’s a problem. Why would you even…”

“Ginny, please, no, I have no idea why, so please, don’t ask" Hermione quickly said "How am I even going to go to Potions now? What if he publicly humiliates me with it?” 

The ginger girl smirked.

“Obvisouly, you tell him he should keep his fantasy to himself and be a bit more professional. He won’t be that stupid, the situation could be blamed on him and he might as well humiliate himself that way. However, I don’t know how you should deal with the situation. Maybe talk to him, explain to him it is not what he thinks. After all it’s not like you fancy him or anything, right?” Ginny asked tentatively.

“What?! I… I just don’t know anymore. I never even thought about it, but my logic is screaming that there is a reason I had this dream. After all, dream talk to us through our subconscious. What if I somehow do? I know he's smart, but I would never consider him... you know, like a potential boyfriend”

Now, her friend was clearly fighting between being disgusted or interested at the idea. Ginny opened her mouth, then shut it down as she heard someone came up the stairs into the dormitory. An awkward silence fell on the room as Katie Bell picked up some books from her trunk. She then went away, but Hermione wasn’t saying a word. Could she really be attracted to Snape? Her dream was not displeasing, she had to be honest, but that was it. A _dream_ , not reality. First of all, it’s not like Snape would ever want to hear about it and she would never mention it. He was probably the type of men to make fun of her to have such a foolish idea.

“I need to clarify the situation. I’m going to talk to him. I don’t want him to think I’m some kind of easy girl or anything”

Ginny didn’t even have the time to say anything that Hermione was rushing out of the Common Room. The brunette did her best not to run to the dungeons. She hasted until she was almost there, than stopped, hesitant. What exactly was she going to say? The truth, for sure, but would he even open to her, listen to her? She had only one way to find out…

 

~~~~~

 

Severus Snape was troubled. Did his best student really have such a vivid dream about _him fucking her_? Never would he have thought such a thing would happen, and if he had known, he may have not searched her thoughts to find the source of her sudden distraction. His curiosity really dragged him in a weird situation and a part of him was definitely cursing and screaming that he should have never entered the girl’s mind. Where he, apparently, entered something else than her mind.

He took his wand and removed the original memory from his mind before putting it in a pensieve. What should he do with it?

“Curiosity killed the cat,” he muttered to himself before watching it again. Officially, he just wanted to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. Truth be told, he wanted to be able to look carefully at what happened in the girl’s mind now that he was in the privacy of his quarters.

His classroom looked the exact same, it was probably a detention late in the evening and Hermione Granger was writing line on her parchment for him. Until then, no problem. He – more like the version of him in that memory – suddenly started engaging in a really ambiguous conversation, until they started avidly kissing. Weirdly enough, he got captivated by the view, especially when she started undressing. He licked his lips, looking his double-self caressing her body. He must admit that she pictured him pretty accurately. His chest looked almost the same despite the fact that she never saw it once in her life. His neck scar was missing, though. At least, she wasn’t idolizing him in any way.

He slapped himself mentaly for looking at this with so much fascination. She was just a student of his and he was wrongly enjoying watching her touching his erected sex. Once she was fully naked, he couldn’t ignore the bulge in his trousers anymore. His throbbing dick started aching, begging for attention. Seeing himself having sex with that Gryffindor know-it-all was way more arousing than he would have ever thought. As soon as he got out of the Pensieve, he sat on his chair, his crotch still screaming for attention.

“To hell good manners,” he quietly said and he slipped his hand in his trousers and wrapped his hand firmly around his shaft. Remembering the last part of the memory, he grunted as he started moving, slowly at first. The images he now had in mind were the most exciting he had in the past last years. He breath quickened and he whimpered when he found a bit of relief by coming on his clothes with a big sight. He whispered “scourgify” and sat there for a moment. He never would have thought he would jack off thinking about taking the Gryffindor on a desk, nor would he have imagined her having such lustful dreams about him.

He was brought back to reality by a knock on his door. He took a quick look at the time. Eleven o’clock. Who would knock at such an hour? He sighted again, in frustration this time. He closed his trousers again and went at the door, opening it with annoyance to discover no one else than Hermione Granger.

It was probably the person he expected to least to show up here and now. For Merlin’s sake, he just touched himself thinking about how nice her naked body would feel under his touch, how thrilling it would feel to be _inside_ of her. His thoughts were wandering in dangerous areas so he preferred to cut this meeting short before the urge to take her against his quarters’ door got the best of him.

What the hell was he thinking about? She was a student of his, of age, but still a student. A question kept on popping in his mind again and again: “Does she really want to have sex with me, her old Potions master?”

“I…” the Gryffindor started, but had trouble keeping the courage to articulate a single sentence.

“Miss Granger, first of all, you disturb me in the middle of the evening, and now, you are not even capable of putting words together. Give me a good reason not to take fifty points from Gryffindor,” he said, affirming his hierarchic place towards the girl.

“I just wanted to clarify the situation, I…” She held back tears. No, she wouldn’t give him the pleasure to cry. She bit her lower lips. “I can’t explain what happened this morning. I… had a weird dream at night and I happened to remember it the moment you thought it was a good idea to read my mind”

“Are you trying to blame me for your schoolgirl fantasy?” he mocked her.

Her eyes narrowed and suddenly her fear subsided.

“Sir, I’m not sure you using Legilimency on me is even legal, I just don’t want echo from this, I just… I want to make sure that none of us will even mention this incident ever again,” she said quickly.

He raised an eyebrow. He was not surprised to hear that. After all, he was not expecting her to throw herself at him and replay the events he so gladly watched. Right now, he certainly wouldn’t mind.

“ _Muffliato,_ ” he whispered before deciding to speak seriously. Sarcasm would apparently not make her leave. He leaned on the side of his door. “I must admit I’ve been quite surprised that Gryffindor top student would have fantasies including me” he smiled as she blushed even more. “Isn’t that ironic? A Slytherin being the object of your subconscious desires. I myself have been more than surprised, you silly girl”.

“Will you please stop addressing me as a child? I am an adult. Just because I am a student of yours doesn’t mean you cannot respect me, _for once_!”

He gritted his teeth. He would definitely rather have this mouth of hers doing other things than scolding him like some kind of teenager. What the hell was he thinking now? As she just said, she was a student. _Only_ a student, nothing more and it clearly showed she didn’t wish anything to change.

“Then if you so much want to be address as an adult, let me tell you reality is really different than your little fantasies even though I don’t understand why you would choose some old despicable wizard to picture in such positions. I am still your Professor after all, as you earlier seemed to highlight”

“You’re not despicable. And I told you I don’t understand it either. Can we _please_ forget about it and act like nothing happened?” She slowly massaged her forehead, a stinging headache starting to surface.

“Oh believe me, Granger, I could never forget those memories” he said with a smirk and added “but I’ll pretend this never happened if that is what you wish, after all, it’s not like I could or would do anything about the events of today”.

“Great. And what was it about reality being different?”

“Reality is, I am teacher, you are a student, and as exciting you may find the idea of messing with hierarchy, I can’t allow that to happen. Just in case you ever wondered,” he said before closing the door for good.

He clearly stated the limits now. There was no way back, and he knew he did what every teacher should do in this situation. Somehow, Severus wished he had invited her inside, to drink a glass of firewiskey together _as adults_. He definitely was out of his mind, he shouldn’t be thinking so much about shagging the Granger girl. The _Gryffindor_ head girl, the _insufferable_ know-it-all, his more than brilliant _student_. The situation drove him out of his mind, or was it the girl? She was a woman, for sure, and he was a man who probably hadn’t have sex for way too long. So long he was considering asking Granger for more of her dreams to soothe his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be less smut in the upcoming chapters, because I'm somhow working on a "plot". Or at least, a way they might end up together and get smutty for real x) 
> 
> Thanks for reading! ♥


	3. Torment and Honour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry for the delays but I have been really busy lately with university, health and real life. So uhm, here is the next chapter, the next one is almost done too, but I'll take some days to publish it :)
> 
> I hope you'll like it  
> Now starts the plot! Well, kinda :P

“How did it go?” Ginny asked, reading a book about Quidditch in her bed.

“Pretty well I guess. He said he’d pretend nothing happened, despite the fact that he would never forget my memories. And also that it was impossible and would not happen, what a cocky git! Can I bury myself in shame now?”

The ginger girl scoffed for a bit. “I wouldn’t even be surprised if he was interested, question is, are you? Maybe he enjoyed the view… old pervert.”.

“Do you think he did? No. I don’t want to know, I’m going to sleep now. Let’s pretend none of this ever happened” Hermione cut short before changing to her nightgown and slipping under her sheets. She only hoped one thing and it was to never have such a dream about her Potions master. A part of her was pondering what Ginny said. However, the brunette doubted her teacher would ever want such a thing anyway, even though she had to admit he seemed flattered earlier and pretty amused by the situation. Then again, nobody could ever see what Severus Snape hid under his mask. Did she want to have sex with him? Feeling his hands on her body for real, kissing him passionately. No way in hell this was happening. Hermione ignored the sudden warmth she felt in her belly at those thoughts and focused on getting rest. Those were for sure silly girl thinking.

~~~~~

Severus had a hard time falling asleep, quite literally. The images of the girl’s memory constantly distracting him, arousing him in a way that was not professionally correct. His imagination started to wander as he was, once more, trying to fall asleep. He could still see himself clearly penetrating the young witch, her whimpers and moans always louder. A foxy look on her face, as she would unbuckle his pants. Then she’d fall on her knees in front of him, calling him “Professor” then taking his length into her mouth, licking and sucking on the tip of his cock before engulfing it all in her lovely mouth. Oh, how much he would like those lips around it, going back and forth, her tongue swirling on the tip before taking it all in again. Before he knew it, he was hard as rock again and unable to go to sleep. Why in Merlin’s name did he have to think about her giving him a wonderful blow job. The girl probably didn’t even know how to unbuckle pants correctly, so he shouldn’t be wasting his time imagining her doing such pleasurable things to him.

After two in the morning, he finally managed to get some rest, but his mind didn’t stop sending him images, subconscious desires that had emerged in him that same day. He dreamed of bending her over his teacher desk before plunging his shaft deep in her, pounding and pounding until she was screaming his name so loud that every person in Hogwarts would know who that pussy belonged to. Afterwards, he was just sitting at his desk, correcting some student’s tests as she would walk in the classroom. Soon enough, she would be naked, impaling herself on his dick and moving up and down until he spilled his cum into her and made her his.

He woke up with the worst boner he had in the last dozen years, sweaty and grumpy. He had no other choices but to take care of his erection. His thoughts wouldn’t leave the girl. Now he couldn’t really blame her own fantasies anymore, his own mind decided she was more than worth banging. He hated how much he wished she would be the one relieving him from this hell, wrapping her delicate finger around his achy sex and emptying him for good.

“Stupid, foolish, arousing girl” He said once he was finally done. Of course she had to haunt him now, more than ever. At least he wouldn’t have to see her today, that was a good point. A stupid accidental dream of hers made him realise that she was not only a student, but also an adult. A quite pretty-looking one…

 ~~~~~

Hermione could say that compared to the previous day, she felt a tiny bit better. She was still deeply ashamed but then again, there was no way possible to change things now. Even with a Time Turner, that wouldn’t be possible. At least, as her Professor mentioned, this would _never_ happen, therefore there was no need thinking about it too much. After all, he probably didn’t even care about what she would think about it. _“Silly girl”_. Well, not as silly as to consider things to be possible, or even wanted. She still struggled with that. She was a woman now, and looking at her few past sexual intercourses - which were pretty nice but she only liked the intimacy around it rather than sex itself - she didn’t really miss it, so there was no need now to lust after some man that could be her father.

Shaking her head, she headed to her Runes class, happy that none of her friends were interested in it so she wouldn’t have to put up with their worried glances. They all spotted something wrong with her the previous day, and of course, they wondered what it was all about, where it did come from. She just didn’t feel like explaining herself. Maybe she’d come up with a nice excuse for the boys, because of all people, they wouldn’t even try to understand why _Snape_ had been the object of her lustful subconscious.

At least, she was now able to focus quite probably, her thirst of knowledge subsiding to the shame. Nobody was hurt and that whole story was nothing but a misunderstanding and rudeness from her teacher. After all, he didn’t have to read her mind. She didn’t have that dream out of choice, but he searched her mind on purpose. And what he found, well, probably confused him. “ _Good for him, it’ll teach him some manners”_. She didn’t have much hope. Despite being a good man at heart, he seemed disabled to question his very decisions and actions.

Why was she even still thinking about him? Sometimes it sounded to her brain like she was obsessed with him since the previous day.

 

At lunch, she actually found it quite enjoyable to have some company. It was kind of acting as a distraction for her mind. A moment when she wouldn’t think “ _why did I have that dream_ ”.

“So, Hermione” Ron asked. “You feeling any better today?”

Even though they were not a couple anymore, Ron and her managed to maintain a good and friendly relationship. He was caring for her, just as Harry. She was really glad she had friends like them. Ginny was different. She was another girl, a bit like the sister she never had. At that moment, she realised one more time how lucky she was. She found a piece of family here in Hogwarts.

“I do, thank you,” she answered, masking her troubled mind with a real and honest smile.

“But what happened yesterday?” he insisted.

Hermione almost choked on the smashed potatoes she just put in her mouth. She still had no excuse about that, not even a clue on how to justify that.

“Well, Ronald, I thought you’d know that girls on their periods tend to be a bit edgy… So being scolded like that by Snape probably didn’t help,” Ginny simply explained, a mischievous grin on her face.

Hermione instantly blushed, embarrassed and surprised by what her friend had just said.

“Oh…” was all Ron could say before his ears turned red.

“Oh come on, it’s a natural thing” Ginny pushed a bit more.

“Stop that, it’s embarrassing enough!” Hermione pleaded.

However, she had to admit it was kind of a smart move – if not for her pride – because her uneasiness around the subject could have been because of that. She was somehow glad that it would stay between the two of them. They couldn’t risk people knowing about what happened in Potions.

  
Durant the meal, she didn’t notice that Severus Snape was looking at her every now and then from the Teacher table. He saw how red she turned and feared the worst. What if people would hear about what they said yesterday. He went a bit beyond the limits because of his frustration. He just wanted to see her blush, to make her feel silly and foolish. But he put himself at risk. He indirectly admitted he would remember her memories. That, of course, could mean different things, but she could have understood that he liked what he saw. Did he? Well, he would be a terrible liar if he denied it. But she could also have thought that he would keep on embarrassing her with it, which he strongly hoped was the message she received. But the witch was smart. _The brightest_. She could put two and two together. His words had probably been wrong. Part of him wanted to apologise, so he could clear things up, and insist on what she should believe but a more feral and primal part of him wanted her to come him, to… _What exactly?_ He thought to himself. Have a quick shag in a broom closet? No, he had never been interested in those sort of things. He hated to admit it, but he always longed for something more solid. Something true. Someone willingly giving him their body, not out of passion and lust, but of love and trust. He was being stupid, for thinking such things. He would never want that with a student, this was just so, so morally wrong.

“ _But she’s of age. She fought the War. She is mature enough to understand me without idolising me like half the witches I encounter”_ A part of his mind whispered to him.

No, he wouldn’t trap the girl in his grip. The only girl he ever loved was dead because of him. Now that the War was over, he could finally start to stop torturing himself with guilt. He could finally move on, breathe, live for himself. And what was he choosing to do? Longing for a student. “ _G_ _reat, Severus, really”_.

Once he regained his quarters, he pondered once again. He should probably send her a letter. She helped to save his life, when he did nothing but degrade and bully her and her friends since she entered the school. She defended him many times, when there was almost nobody else to believe in him. He might still be an arse with his students, but he was a man of honour. He violated her privacy – he knew damn well she was right on that – so she shouldn’t be the one getting all the embarrassment. But if by any chances, she told the Potter boy, he would know, and she better then pray Merlin all of her next Potions would be perfect otherwise it’d give her nothing but a T. He promised not to say anything, so she probably would keep her mouth shut.

_“Miss Granger,_

_I realised my behaviour yesterday was inappropriate. I usually am not fond of apologising but regarding the role you played in the War and the fact that without you, I might have not been here today, I feel like I have to._

_I’m trusting you not to tell anyone about this, I wouldn’t like people believing I’m seeking redemption of any kind._

_We won’t further talk about this topic._

_Professor Snape”_

It was the best he could come up with, but he was pretty satisfied with it. He enchanted it, so it would vanish when she’d be done reading. He didn’t actually trust her that much. She was still Potter and Weasley’s best friend after all, so better not take any risk.

He then went to the Kitchen and found a House Elf to put the letter directly on Hermione Granger’s bed, so it would not arrive with everyone’s mail. Having his letter read in front of everyone would be terrible for his reputation.

 

By the end of the day, Hermione felt much better. She stopped by her room to drop some of her books so she could go in the library before eating dinner. When she saw a letter on her pillow, she curiously picked it up. It was in a sealed envelope, with no signature on the back, nothing. She put it carefully in her handbag and then hurried to the library, determined to start planning her studying schedule for her NEWTs. Once there, she stared at the letter and quietly opened it. Realising who sent it, and what is was saying, she felt her cheeks blush and was really, really glad that no one was around. Snape had said sorry. To her, nonetheless. He _apologised._ The paper suddenly turned to ashes in her hands before vanishing. She was still flabbergasted. Since the War, everyone had changed, but she wasn’t expecting that from her Professor. He recognised how misplaced it had been to use Legilimency on her. She regained her composure and focused on her work. She had a lot to do, and no time to spend it wondering what was going on in Snape’s mind. In the end, she got so lost in her work that she almost arrived late at dinner.

She considered writing a letter back, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t be welcome. And she didn’t really have anything to say. Just saying “Thanks” was a waste of time, and probably wouldn’t be much appreciated by the teacher. No, she’d better wait for a moment where she could thank him in person. She was right, the War changed him. Like every one of them. Harry told her and Ron about Snape’s memories. She still remembered the day she thought he would die. Every second was burnt in her mind, like a scar that would never fade.

 

~~~~~ During the Battle of Hogwarts ~~~~~

“Hermione, he won’t make it!” Ron screamed.

Harry picked up his tears in a phial. The Professor whispered him something, looked at him and then passed out. She told the boys to keep going until she got him to safety. They were both reluctant at first.

“Why would you take so much risk for a traitor?” Harry asked out of stress and anger.

“Harry, go, I won’t be long,” she cut short.

She used a healing balm to try and keep him from bleeding out, but he already had lost so much and was turning incredibly pale. Trying to keep herself from crying, she whispered. “Hold on, Professor, I’ll get you out of here… you… you fought well”. She felt so stupid for not being able to say anything more than that, and most of all, she was afraid he would die here, in this cold place, with no one around. No one deserved that. And she knew, deep inside, that he was fighting alongside the Order. She used a scarf to apply on his neck and try to stop the bleeding. She pushed hard on it, just enough not to choke him either.

“Professor, I am going to apparate us now, please, hold on to me. Please… don’t die now…”

She was aware he might not make it. Damn well aware she might kill him by apparating but she found no other choices. He couldn’t move and was barely conscious. Caught in the moment, she didn’t even feel the awkwardness of holding him in her arms before she apparated in St Mungo, right in the emergency station.

“Someone, please! He’s dying!” she pleaded as mediwizards and witches came and assess the situation. She decided Hogwarts battlefield was too dangerous now to go in the Hospital Wing, so he would be better taken care of here, at least for now.

“Hogwart’s under attack, I have to go,” she said, reluctantly letting go of the dying wizard. “He’s been bitten by Nagini”.

“We will try and save him, but judging by the state he’s in, I can’t guarantee he’ll make it through. We have plenty of patients but we’ll do our best”.

She nodded, hopelessly looking towards Severus Snape one more time. _Maybe for the last time_ , she thought sadly. _“No one is expendable”_ she thought, full of anger.

When she found Harry and Ron back at Hogwarts, they managed to get their hands on the Diadem. They didn’t talk about what just happened, too caught up in the moment.

After that, she visited him regularly, until the day she arrived and was told he woke up. She didn’t go in, thinking she would probably be the last person Severus Snape would wish to see after what he had been through. She thanked the staff again, relieved that she had been able to save someone. She still was deeply affected by the death of her friends. Fred, Remus, Tonks, Dobby… All Hogwarts, no, all the wizards of Britain, were now mourning the deaths. The feeling of blood on her skin lingered for weeks. She felt dirty, guilty, broken… Was that the price to pay to be seen as a hero of War? She never wanted any of this, she just did what she had to.

The rebuilding of the Castle hadn’t been such a problem, but everyone had to deal with what happened in and outside the building. For a month or two, she hesitated ever returning to Hogwarts to finish her seventh year. She knew a diploma would be better – even though her fame and achievements guaranteed her to find a job pretty quickly. As a common accord with harry and Ron, they decided they would not let Voldemort – or worse, the memory of him – spoil the last and first time they could spend at Hogwarts, without any more threats than journalist.

When Severus was properly healed, Minerva – as the new Headmaster – insisted on him returning to Hogwarts to teach, at least until he would find something better. The woman knew he was struggling a lot. He never planned to be alive after the War. And he woke up, free, yet still scarred by all his past actions. He had been offered the post of DADA Teacher but declined. He didn’t want any Dark Arts, any fighting anymore. He just wanted to live, in peace, and not like Dumbledore’s puppet, hanging by the memory of his first love and loss.

He then kept on being a terrible teacher. He didn’t know anything else, but now, it was different. Pupils didn’t seem to fear him as much as before. Now they knew his actions had been for the Greater Good. He didn’t know how else he could still have authority. All he’d ever been shown were brutality and violence. In reality, he was simply scared. Scared to show that he was, indeed, not such a heartless bastard. Biased scolding, Gryffindor points taking, he kept all of that. Kept being unfair. All of that because he was scared to change. Scared to show he was changing.

 ~~~~~ Present ~~~~~

Hermione checked her schedule before going to sleep. She had Potions class the next day at 8AM. It was all as if even the class planning was made to piss off the teacher. All of her class with him was at 8AM, on Mondays, Wednesday and Friday. Maybe she would find some courage and tell him thank you… if no one was in the way. In any case, she knew, she’d grab her Gryffindor braveness and acknowledge the fact that his apologies were welcome and appreciated. It was the least she could do.


	4. A smile brighter than the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. My laptop was in the repair section and my health is not at its best. Anyway, the chapter is ready and I hope you'll enjoy it.
> 
> Even though my update are irregular, I am not planning to stop writing this story!  
> Have fun :D

From that moment on, things started to get better for Hermione. The next morning, she was barely afraid to go in Potions anymore. Things had been cleared, and her most dreaded teacher apologised to her for being a git. If that wasn’t a sign of things getting better, then she didn’t know anymore. She was a tiny bit nervous, still thinking about how to thank the Professor, so she wouldn’t ignore him getting out of his comfort zone. Plus, that would show she accepted his apologies and that everything could return to normal.

Before entering the classroom, she took a deep breath. Today, she’d be focused. No way she would let her mind wander ever again. After all, she was supposed to be the _brightest witch of her age_. She sat, as always, at the front bench. Ginny took a seat next to her and they both started to read the instructions of the potion to brew.

Since Harry didn’t have the Half-blood Prince book, he wasn’t so bright in potions anymore. Hermione had always been envious for the book, and had been the only one apparently not surprised it primarily belonged to Snape. She knew Harry and Ginny put it somewhere in the Room of Requirements. It probably was still burning by now. The only way to have that knowledge back would be to ask Professor Snape, and she definitely wasn’t going to ask him for help. Ginny would insist she had a crush on him, and he would probably think the exact same. Why did intelligence and curiosity always have to be misunderstood?

Once she gathered everything she heated her cauldron up and added some Valerian root to it until it turned a light shade of purple. She lowered the flame and stirred five time. The liquid turned to blue. Great, everything was going as expected and her mind barely paid attention to the teacher.

 

Severus, on his parts, did his best not to look different than his usual self. Something felt wrong in him and he couldn’t quite picture out why. Maybe because of the thoughts he had lately about the girl. Seriously, he couldn’t believe he actually had erotic dreams of her. She was a student. He comforted himself thinking he never did anything to act on those thoughts, no matter how nice they looked. He was a teacher, but first he was a man, with normal, natural needs. As long as he didn’t do anything with a student, everything would be fine. The situation made him a little edge, but he wasn’t going to visit whores. It never had been much into those things. He may not have a lot of opinion for his peers, but treating women like sexual objects wasn’t his cup of tea. He’d rather do _other things_ , he thought with a smirk. It didn’t even last a second, until he was brought back to reality by his student’s noises. He sighted. What kind of life did he have? Was being a teacher what he really wanted?

He loved potions, that was for sure, he just wished his students would show more interest in it. Despite the fact that they could now chose their classes, he still had his most dreaded students. The golden trio, and as if it wasn’t enough, the last of the ginger’s family. Apparently Potter and Weasley needed to pass his class, as well as DADA, History of Magic and Transfiguration to be accepted as Aurors. He somehow regretted that they hadn’t been stupid and pretentious enough to just luck in the position because of their fame instead of coming one more year at Hogwarts. But no, of course he had to endure their presence. They weren’t as bad as they used to. At least, this time, he could even see they were _at least_ trying to have good grades and were pretty decent for once. The ginger girl was pretty good, he had to admit she had quite some smarts, but it was nothing compared to Granger. Her potions were impressively good, almost outstanding, but she usually was always missing a tiny detail, an instruction that wasn’t written and that would make the potions perfect. That way, he always had an excuse not to give her best marks.

Before he knew it, the class was already over and he asked the student to submit the essay he had asked two days ago. Weirdly enough, Granger took her time filling her potions in a tube and preparing her work, so much she was the last one to submit it. He noticed a change in her behaviour. Once she handed him the paper, he saw words appearing on her copy. “ _Thank you, your apologies are welcome and much appreciated_ ”

He raised an eyebrow and looked at her, emotionless. She smiled kindly to him and grabbed her bag. As she left, she took one last glimpse of her teacher, curious of his reaction. When he thought she wasn’t looking, he slightly smiled. That didn’t even last half a second, and then his face turned grumpy and hard once again.

“ _Did he just smile?”_ she thought as she stepped out of the classroom and headed towards the next class. “ _I swear I saw a hint of a smile on his face, this is just so weird”_. She kept thinking about it. About how sad his life must be if she had to wait eight years to see him smile. Was he depressed? Should she care? The trio knew he went through a lot, especially since Harry told her and Ron about what he saw in the Pensieve. She felt a bit guilty for intruding his memories, but at least she could understand the man a bit better. She would still not accept his behaviour, as a bullying teacher, towards Harry mainly, but she understood. Harry still struggled with it. Snape loving his mother, being on the good side after all. They still didn’t like each other, unsurprisingly, but they looked like they could bear each other’s presence the time of a class. That was a good start, according to her. But start of what, that she did not know. That was definitely a good day.

 

How stupid was he? Smiling at the slightest note he would get from _her_. She was everything he wasn’t. Cute, pretty, nice, kind, selfless… What was he thinking? That a stupid dream would lead to something? He was too old for that. Too old for her. Too old to be loved anyway. Was he really being so desperate that he would wish for a teacher-student relationship? He would rather go to speed dating than date a student. This was wrong, and he really had to get rid of those weird feelings. Of course, he wanted her somehow, but wasn’t dumb enough to make a move. He knew her since she was eleven, no matter if she grew in a lovely young lady, she had and would have nothing to do with him. His mind was racing all the time. On one hand, he wanted her, physically, emotionally, all for himself but on the other hand, he knew this “feelings” were misplaced. Just because he was finally getting over Lily, didn’t mean he had to throw himself at the first pretty Gryffindor that would cross his way. Except from her subconscious, the Granger girl didn’t show any sign of interest in him anyway, and probably never would.

“What pointless, foolish thoughts” he muttered to himself before correcting essays. Never in his life had he been so confused about how he was feeling. But this had to end. He would do everything he could to forget about the incident and return the situation to normal.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh no, not again,” Hermione mumbled as she snuggled in her blanket on Saturday morning. The days had flown by pretty quickly and she had almost forgotten the beginning of the week. Yet, her mind decided to make her dream again. But soon enough, she fell asleep once more.

It was like a replay of what happened Monday evening, when she went to talk to him, at least in the beginning.

~~~~~Dream~~~~~

“Miss Granger, I don’t really appreciate talking about such delicate subjects in public, would you mind at least coming inside for a few minutes?” he said with annoyance.

She nodded and hasted her way in his quarters, which were mostly decorated with Slytherin colours. He offered her tea and a seat in the sofa lying there. She accepted, hoping it would make her feel a bit less out of place. She was still in her Gryffindor uniform, but in Slytherin dungeons.

“I have to admit, Miss Granger, that your dreams are quite inspiring. I won’t forget them anytime soon”

She blushed and almost choked on her tea.

“Reality’s so much different, however”.

He finally took a seat, on the same couch, but at a dangerous distance from her. Hermione was still holding her cup of tea and froze on spot.

“What exactly do you mean by that?” she finally asked.

“Reality feels really different than dreams,” he said quietly, his voice lowering. “Wouldn’t you like to know how it feels for real?”

She found herself speechless once more. She looked at him intensely, searching his eyes for the hint of a joke. All she saw was impatience and expectations. He was staring at her with his onyx eyes, waiting for an answer. She gulped.

“I-I guess I w-wouldn’t mind,” she stuttered, her voice higher than usual.

He smirked and took the cup she was holding to put her on the low nearby before turning back to her, eyes full of desire and lust. He closed the distance between them and whispered in her ear “Then there’s no need for me to hold back anymore, Miss Granger”.

She felt warmth inside of her as he wrapped his arms around her chest and pulled her on his lap. One of his hand found his way to her neck, and pulled her into a long kiss as his other hand was still circling her waist.

“P-Professor, I’m not sure this is a good idea…” she breathed out.

He ignored her complaint and started kissing and nibbling her neck. “Just tell me whenever you wish me to stop”. He unbuttoned the top of her shirt and started to kiss her shoulder. Hermione didn’t answer and failed at repressing a few moans. This man would be the end of her. Her mind wanted so bad to tell him to stop, to just run away, but the situation felt so thrilling, so pleasurable, that she couldn’t bring herself to do so. She was about to remove her tie and shirt when he gently grabbed her wrists.

“The tie stays on, little Gryffindor, but remove as much clothes as you want. I see your eagerness for knowledge is not limited to books, I can’t say it displeases me.”

He removed his black shirt, exposing his scarred chest to the girl, who was still putting off her own shirt. He helped her out and once done, his fingers started to draw circles on her back, starting from her shoulder, down to her buttocks. She shivered at his cold finger, pressing her chest against his. With his tongue, he poked her lower lip, as if asking for permission. Hermione didn’t hesitate and open her mouth, letting him deepen the kiss as her arms wrapped around his neck. Her breathing quickend and slowly her hand started wandering on his chest, trying to grip to something, to hold onto anything because she was feeling more and more lightheaded. She could feel him getting hard and couldn’t help but blushing as a reaction. Soon enough, he reversed the position and laid her on the couch as he was now on top of her. She looked at him, all flushed, yet longing for more. More friction, more kisses, more passion. She lifter her legs, wrapping them around his waist and pulled him closer while trying to reach for his belt, but he stopped her.

“Miss Granger, I expected you to be a bit more patient… I guess I will have to punish you for this…” He undid her bra and started to touch the tender flesh or her breast. Slight, delicate touches on the underside of her mounts, then he rolled one of her hard nipple with his thumb, watching her squirm in reaction. He dived in her neck and started sucking at her neck. He made his way down to her collarbone, then lowered himself so he kissed her chest down to her belly button. His right hand found its way to her inner tights, caressing them slightly, yet never touching the most sensitive area of her body. He captured her mouth once more and she welcomed him with a deep moan.

“Please, stop teasing…” she said, out of breath. She couldn’t take it anymore, she wanted him now, she wanted all of him, uniting both their bodies together.

“Please, who?”

“Please, Professor,” she answered, her cheeks redder than ever.

He removed the rest of her clothes and slowly slid a finger in her wet folds. A long moan escaped her lips as she started moving, desperate for some friction. He added as second one and moved faster and faster, rubbing her clit every now and then. Her breath became erratic under his ministrations. As her climax was building, he withdrew his fingers from her.

“Don’t come so quick, little lioness, you’re spoiling my fun". He grabbed her gently by her Gryffindor tie, pulled her closer and kissed her. She groaned, impatient, and unbuckled his pants, reaching for his cock. He let out a chuckle and looked straight in her eyes.

“Professor, please…” she repeated, more sensual this time, almost begging.

With such a lustful look on her flushed and innocent face, he couldn’t help but bend to her will. He gave in and dived carefully into her. She let out the most delicious moan he ever heard and he started moving at a painfully slow pace. He kissed her again and again, until they were both panting and out of breath. Wrapping her hand around his neck, she moved her hips in unison with his, allowing him to settle deeper into her. His nose buried in the crook of her neck, he quickened the pace. He wasn’t even retraining himself from moaning and grunting this time, grinding his teeth on Hermione’s neck every now and then.

She came before him, muttering his name, still clinging to his neck. Out of breath, Severus found his release a bit afterwards, thrusting some more time before he collapsed on her, still lied down on the couch.

“C… could we maybe give it another shot sometimes?” Hermione asked shyly, letting go of his neck.

“Miss Granger, as your Professor, I’d recommend you doing something wrong in Potions Monday so we could teach you something in detention,” he purred.

 ~~~~~Reality~~~~~

Hermione sighed, trying to ignore her feeling of arousal. She thought this was just a one-time weird dream, but should it start happening again, she would not be able to keep her composure in front of her potion master. Of course, she wasn’t stupid enough to ignore that fantasying over a teacher was a common thing for teenage girls, yet she didn’t think that was it. She never thought of the man that way before her erotic dreams started. Actually, she barely even thought of anyone that way before at all. Of course, she had sexual fantasies, like everybody, but it never included Snape, nor any other Hogwarts teacher. There was, however, something she hated. She didn’t despise the thought of it. She should be repulsed by the thought instead of having her stomach clenching weirdly when she pictured them kissing. Her Potion Professor may not be the most handsome man ever, but he wasn’t the ugliest either. If he wanted to, he could easily do something about his hair, and a healthier lifestyle would do him good. Wait, was she even thinking about that?

She was troubled. Deeply troubled. What did she keep on having this dreams? The man was smart, strong, a really powerful wizard, despite being a snarky arsehole. She was over Ron for quite some time now, but she didn’t feel like starting a relationship either. Plus, it’s not like he would be interested in her anyway, he made it quite clear he wasn’t, though his speech had been a bit confusing. What was it that _she_ wanted then? Definitely not a quick shag in a broom closet, nor for chasing someone she would never have. _It’s better off if I just leave this stupid infatuation wear off_.

Her arousal faded quickly as she started working for her classes. It was useless to waste any more minute thinking about something that would not happen, and that _should_ not happen. They managed to settled things so nobody would get into troubles and she wasn’t planning on changing that any time soon. After breakfast, she immediately went to work in the library, determined not to lose any more seconds of her precious study time.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

As she feared, Monday came way too early to her liking. She had to fight the urge to stay in her bed that morning in order to be on time in class. She really wasn’t really looking forward another Potions lesson. At least, now she knew that he wouldn’t intrude her thoughts anymore, but that wouldn’t mean he wouldn’t see her being troubled by something. Since he was smart enough to put two and two together, she knew she better not have a single thought concerning her dreams during class. She was afraid she’d fail, that she’d make a mistake and her life would be ruined. Maybe she was being dramatic, but she wasn’t taking any chances.

She settled at the front bench, as always, and unpacked what she needed once she read the instructions on the blackboard. Snape was awfully quiet, correcting first year’s tests and paying little attention to his class.

“I will check your potions in twenty minutes to see if nobody here is enough of a moron to fail this easy task. I expect no explosion otherwise the culprit will be in detention every evening with me for the rest of the month”

 _I wonder what kind of detention_ , Hermione thought before blushing at her own thoughts. She was actually surprised the man was so quiet. He barely made any comment, and just focused on his task, like their presence didn’t matter at all. As she brewed, she caught him looking at her, or rather, at her actions. She didn’t know if that was good or bad. In both cases, he wouldn’t tell her anyway. She tried and smiled awkwardly, earning herself an annoyed glance before he got back to his corrections. She immediately felt stupid. It’s like something in her really wanted him to soften, to show his real face. Since her teenage years, she never got comfortable with people she couldn’t read. She wanted to understand him, to get him. That didn’t mean she wanted to be his friend, she just wanted to understand why this war hero was still so cold, so distant and somehow cruel.

She brewed carefully, paying attention not to make any mistake in her Potion. She, as always, wanted it to be perfect, though it was apparently never good enough for her Teacher. Somehow, it always encouraged her to try even harder, to work even more, with the hope she’d be praised by him one day. A part of her considered that foolish, yet she couldn’t help but hoping he would one day notice her smarts.

Severus was getting bored at his desks. As soon as he finished correcting the first-year copies, he sighed. He had nothing else to do except from checking on his students, things that he wasn’t looking forward to. At least they were mostly quiet this year. Maybe after six to seven years under his point-taking dictatorship, they learned how to behave. He stood up slowly and started to pace around the desk, peaking in their cauldrons. He couldn’t help but sigh when he saw Ron Weasley’s work. It was barely decent since he was too slow to control the heating properly. He could see the ginger’s ears turn red after he showed his annoyance and a sly smirk appeared on his thin lips.

As soon as she felt someone looking at what she was doing, Hermione froze on spot. She could feel her Professor behind her. Her focus vanished in an instant and her hands started to shake. She had the feeling he was really close to her. _Closer than he had ever been_. Was he? Maybe she was just a bit paranoid since those dreams popped up in her mind. From where she was standing, she could slightly smell it. Fresh parchment, black tea and spices. She wasn’t even surprised.

Snape was testing the girl, enjoying way too much seeing how much he troubled the young witch. He wished he could enter her mind right now, understand what was making her hands shake so much? Fear? Embarrassment? He shut down the last thought that came to his mind. _Desire?_

Hermione could not stop from shaking, so bad that she accidentally dropped two times as much acromantula venom than necessary, causing her cauldron to produce a thick grey smoke, leaking out on her desk and on the classroom floor.

“Miss Granger, I never expected you to fail such a task. You know, if you didn’t like the classroom floor colours, you could’ve done something else than intoxicate your classmates just for the sake of fashion. You’ll be in detention with me tomorrow evening, as well as any other moron that would mess this brewing up”.

Hermione’s month fell open, ready to protest, but she knew damn well she fucked up her potion. She wanted so bad to blame him from distracting her, but it would be useless and she knew it. However, what she was worried about was the detention itself. Last time she “thought” about it, she was sat on a desk and receiving a really particular brewing lesson from her teacher.

He casted a spell to dissipate the smoke and went to inspect other people’s work. The Granger girl was blushing hard and trying as hard as she could to make her potion up. _Why? Why me, why now?_ She kept asking herself. It was all his fault. _He_ read her mind, _he_ distracted her, she was almost starting to think he did it on purpose.

She was even more nervous when the class ended since nobody else got themselves in detention. A part a her was praying that somebody would make a mistake, that someone would join her, but nothing of that kind happened. She was going to be on her own for that, whatever that meant. It couldn’t be so wrong after all. She had been in detention with him before and apart from cleaning cauldron and writing lines. Or, and be looked down on.

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, Severus got himself a glass of firewhiskey. He played with fire and was about to get burned. His stupid snarky self really had to do this, test the girl’s borders. Now he earned a detention with only her and her delightful memories. The past days had been deeply confusing for him, but his body longed for her touch, for her body, while his mind fought against it as hard as he could – and as hard as he would get. He bit his lips, disappointed in himself and his choices. He vowed to himself he wouldn’t let the incident affect him, yet he was looking forward the next evening. And he knew he better made sure he could control himself and above all, not look in the girl’s thoughts once more. She would be the death of him.


	5. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”  
> ― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter focuses on a PTSD related event, including non-explicit flashbacks. The character is reliving some memories and acts according to it, therefore, their actions and words doesn't fit with the situation they're actually in.
> 
> If you're not comfortable with this kind of events, I advise you not to read. I added PTSD in the tags.
> 
> To others, I apologise for the delay. As some of you might know, I have gone through a difficult surgery and was in recovery until last week. During that time, I had no chances to write, but now I'll try and post more regularly :)
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter. I enjoyed focusing on a mental disorder since it affects a lot of people and I can't believe that people who survived the Wizarding War are all in peace with all that happened.

No matter what she would do, Hermione couldn’t sleep. Her mind would always wander and focus on her Potion Master. _Would he really be such a bad choice?_ She scoffed at her own thoughts, she didn’t even know the man, how could she even tell such a thing? The simple thought of being alone in detention with him evoked in her contradictory feelings. A piece of her was scared to death and wanted to make herself sick so she wouldn’t have to go, though that would probably only postpone the problem. However, the other parts was curious and excited at the idea. After all, she had nothing to lose. Ginny had asked her a dozen times what happened, why she failed at producing a potion. She refused to answer because she couldn’t explain it to herself to begin with.  _What if he decides to read my mind once more? Nobody will be there_. She tried to reassured herself with the fact that he apologised for doing so, which implied he wouldn’t do it again. Problem was, she could not predict his actions. He was so secretive, so mysterious that she never knew what was going on in his head, and that, was exactly what scared yet excited her. Her thoughts were more conflicted than ever.

She finally fell asleep, reassuring herself that he was still a teacher and therefore would not do anything that could harm her. Or so she hoped. She had never been so lost about her feelings in her whole life. In the past, Ron and her were clearly attracted to each other. At that time, it felt like everybody knew, like they were made for each other, but the dream of the beginning didn’t last long. However, she didn’t regret anything. Ronald and her spent moments together that she would never forget, he always had been gentle and respectful towards her and it still gave her some kind of experience romantically speaking. No, she definitely didn’t regret any of that, but found herself sad the War got in between. Today, she was over him, and so was he over her. They remained friends, maybe not as close as before, but close nonetheless. Now she was rebuilding herself after the torture, the deaths and the horror she’d seen. She came to miss the fact that no one was really there for her. Of course, she had friends to whom she could talk, but all of them only had one thought in mind “Forget the War”. The uneasiness every time the subject was brought up was unbearable for her. After all, they were still all young, almost or already of age but way too young to fight for their life– if one could ever get ready for that.

She woke up at one in the morning, all sweaty and shaking. Another nightmare about Malfoy Manor. She could still see the evil glare Bellatrix was giving her, cutting deep through her skin while her own screams echoed through her head once more. For a moment, she thought she was going to throw up. Those flashbacks always made her sick and disoriented. Shivering, she grabbed a fluffy dressing gown and headed to the Common Room. She sat in an armchair, rolled up in her warm clothing, her knees up to her chest and surrounded by nothing but silence. She stayed like that for a while. Maybe one hour, maybe half. She was losing track of time. Her mind refused to calm down and flashbacks rushed in front of her eyes. Suddenly, the world was still at War. Voldemort was still alive. Harry left and probably wouldn’t come back. Dead people everywhere in Hogwart’s courtyard. She couldn’t stop it, couldn’t help but feeling it like it was real. Like she was back in that time.

_Voldemort is coming, he’s coming to Hogwarts. I can’t let him it, we have to fight. Even if Harry doesn’t come back, we have to, we need to fight._

For the first time that year, she was caught in the past again. The world around was not accessible to her as she felt surrounded by the memories of her past. She grabbed her wand and fled the Common Room, animated by that fierce will to fight Voldemort. To not let him in. If she could calm down and take a step back, she would understand what was happening to her, but she was already too far into it to do anything. Her mind couldn’t fight it and was convinced that this War was happening here and now, and that she couldn’t sit back doing nothing while her friends were risking their life for the greater good.

She hurried in the corridor, muttering Lumos so the tip of her wand could help her see her way. No painting would complain about not sleeping if we were in the middle of a War, right? The only obsession she had was reaching the battlefield to help, to prevent people from dying – _again_. At the next crossing of corridors, she stopped running and started to progress at a careful pace, to be sure no enemy would spot her. She warily went down the stairs, careful not to be heard. She was getting closer to the entrance, but she still had quite some way to go. She couldn’t feel the cold floor underneath her bare feet, nor realise exactly what she was doing. She just kept going with the feeling that her life was a stake.

 

~~~~~ In the meantime ~~~~~

 

Severus was particularly grumpy these past few days, and being the one on nightshift didn’t make him feel any better. His only consolation was to take away house point from the students – unless it was his, after all, he had a reputation to maintain. Unfortunately, he had to admit there was barely any student wandering the hallways at night anymore. Nowadays, they were all more focused on their studies, since a War wasn’t raging outside anymore. He couldn’t blame them for that. They could finally all be children, despite mourning the loss among their families and friends. At least, the next generation could build themselves normally, could grow up in a safe environment. Not like his or Harry Potter’s. At least people would have some peace. He wouldn’t have admitted that to anybody, but he was glad that children from now on would be safe, and not raised in Death Eaters’ families. " _I wish I would have been safe"_

The turmoil of his thought suddenly stopped as he heard noises coming from a nearby corridor. He smirks, finally some work for him. Some students to startle and scare. According to their cautiousness, it had to be at least one of the fifth years students, most likely sixth year or older.

As a spy, he had no problem following and caught them red-handed (or red-headed if it was once again a Weasley). After two long minutes of stalking, he was getting annoyed at how fast the student was. It had to be Potter and his map, trying to flee him. Nobody else would go towards the entrance of the school around two in the morning. That made him even more determined to catch the disrespectual student. Since when did the boy get so good at being silent?

The light echo of the student’s steps was irregular, hectic, so much that for a moment, Severus wondered what was going on. Who would just run like that at night? The more he was progressing towards his target, the less he understood what was happening and who he was following.

He was almost at the entrance of the castle when he finally got a glimpse of who he was chasing. Hermione Granger in a dressing gown. _Just my luck_. He pondered a moment about just leaving her be, but his guts wouldn’t let him do so. He took a deep breath, ready to see the Gryffindor’s house points disappear from the Great Hall.

"Miss Granger, how surprising. You really are everywhere I go. Some might wonder if you’re searching for trouble. Did you perhaps think that being a War Hero would exempt you from the school rules? And here I thought you would have known by know… 50 points from Gryffindor," he said with a smirk.

Startled, she turned back looked at him like she just saw a ghost. All he could read on her face was fear and terror. The one he usually would only see when Voldemort would threaten someone, or just before he would kill them. He saw so many of those during his spy years that it caught him off guard.

"Sir! We need to hurry! I know you’re on our side, please, help us. I… I think he killed Harry, but we can’t let him win. Please, help me!" she whispered, scared that somebody would hear them.

“ _That can’t be_ ” he thought. “ _It must be a trap. A way to make me believe she wasn’t doing anything wrong”_. Yet he didn’t answer, nor did he move. No, those eyes didn’t lie.

 "Miss Granger," he said cautiously, while slowly pacing toward the young witch.

 "Harry is dead. I failed, professor. He’s dead. But I must fight, please, help…"

She didn’t get to finish her sentence when he put his hands on both her shoulders. He cursed himself for what he was about to do, took a deep breath and entered her mind, to withdraw a few second later. This was the only way he got to make sure she wasn't lying. He didn't want to be mistaken, not on that. 

"Miss Granger, Potter’s alive. The War is over. Voldemort is defeated," he said softly, on a tone that almost surprised him.

As he expected, his claims were vained. The girl just looked at him, so scared he could have thought she was facing death itself. She was fidgeting, ready to run away from him any second. His hands were still awkwardly lying on her shoulders and he suddenly realised how close they were to each other. Still holding her wand, the girl refused to move, shaking from head to toe.

"Sir, I’m scared… Voldemort is almost at Hogwarts. I… I need to…"

For Severus, this was the worst thing that could happen. A student in need of support. A student in need of comfort. He had never been known for his social skills, and even less for being kind, so how was he supposed to deal with this situation? If only Minerva was there instead of him, everything would be fine. But of course, he was alone.

"Miss Granger, you’re safe now"

The girl’s breathing became erratic as tears rolled down her cheeks. _“What in hell am I supposed to do? I can’t leave her like this”_. Within him, he knew. He understood. And since he survived the war, a part of him wanted to help. Help those struggling to accept all the horrors they’d seen so maybe he could free himself from his own demons. What he was seeing now in Hermione Granger was simply a part of himself. The part that suffered from so many year under Voldemort’s dictatorship, that saw his high school crush lying dead on the floor, that had to take responsibilities for it and spent his life trying to fix it. The part of him he never dared to look at, or even acknowledge. The part of him that remained ultimately broken…

Without thinking about it, he pulled her against him and clumsily wrapped him arms again her, like his younger self would have needed back then. Giving comfort may be nothing more than copying what he might have needed in the past.

"You’re safe..." he whispered, so low he wasn’t sure if he said that for her or himself.

She smelled like Amortentia, so much he wondered if she had been brewing any outside of class. It was a mix between fresh parchment and potions herbs. They stood there for a while, in a sort of awkward hug. Severus, holding her fragile and shaky silhouette as she didn’t move an inch. He could feel her warm body against his, her breath calming down in his arms and slowly, she came back to her senses. At first, she did nothing but when she moved, his stiffened and instantly removed his arms while stepping back.

"I apologise, this was utterly misplaced," he blurted, looking away before she could even make eye contact.

"Sir… I should be the one apologising for my behaviour. I… I didn’t know what I was doing. I... still don't know what I just did. I never thought I’d ever say these words to you but… thanks for your empathy. I’m really sorry for the trouble. I should just head back to my Common Room"

"Follow me," he commanded, ignoring her pleading tone.

Hermione wasn’t sure she heard that right. First of all, she humiliated herself in front of Severus Snape once more, and now, he asked her to follow him somewhere, as if that wasn’t enough already. She had to admit she never thought she would ever see that side of her Professor in her whole life. She actually didn’t know he had it in him. But he didn’t mock her, instead, he tried and comfort her. The girl kept her mouth shut and followed without a word. After some time, it became obvious that there were going to the dungeons, but she still ignored the reason behind it.

Severus opened the door of his quarters and gestured her to come inside. She shyly proceeded and waited for further instructions. The Professor disappeared in a closet for a moment, then came back with a three bottles of potion.

"No one should have to go through this, Miss Granger. Here some Sleeping Draught, feel free to ask me for more, but don’t drink too much, I bet a know-it-all like you knows what could happen then"

She did nothing but nod. Of course, he had to fall back in his snarky self again but she didn’t have the energy to react to anything. He handed it to her, but as she grabbed the object, he didn’t let go right away. He stared at her for a bit, as if he was searching for clues on her face.

"Have you spoken to your Head of House about those... kind of… er… behaviour?"

"… no. Everybody is struggling with all that happened. I can’t just go to them and ask them to help or, or even to hear me out. We’re all trying to build ourselves on what’s left from the War. I know it’s a lot to ask but… could you not tell anyone? I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again. I promise I will be a perfect student but please, could you do that for me?" she asked, embarrassed.

He fell silent and loosened his grip, so she could finally take the three Sleeping Draught he handed her. The girl was obviously ashamed, standing in his quarters in a dressing gown, eyes swollen from crying and still shocked by his actions. He himself was uneasy but hiding it behind a mask of indifference, though he couldn’t help but keep an eye on the girl. She was experiencing traumatic symptoms and wouldn’t talk about it to anyone, pretexting that they were too busy to help her.

"I’ll think about it," he finally said.

She carefully put the potions in her pocket and fled the room to go back to the Gryffindor tower. She cried a bit, mostly out of shame, knowing she couldn’t control those moments. Ron spent several nights reassuring her when they were still together, though he hated it when she would explain to him what she would see in those moments of panic. He tried to comfort her, to make her feel safe but in the end, they slowly drifted apart until they both decided to end their relationship and remain friends. Once she calmed down and managed to push her memories aside, she put the potions in a drawer next to her bed. No use taking one now, she was too exhausted, but she would keep them safe because she needed them, lately more than ever.

 

 

 _“I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again”_. Severus recalled that sentence and snorted. What a foolish girl. Nobody could flee their demons. No one could, just with their willpower, fight traumatic experiences such as wars. She must have known; it was going to come back if she didn’t do anything about it. It was none of his business, yet he was wondering what action she would take to change it. She made it clear she wouldn’t talk about it to anybody, and that way, she was locking herself up with her secrets and memories, that would keep rotting inside of her like an infected wound left untreated. He knew and understood all of that. He did the same back then, when he was barely older than her. He kept it all in, until his guilt ate him from the inside, until he found himself becoming an emotionless asshole. If that happened to him, then how would things turn up for her? Surely, she would break down, but she might hurt herself and others in the process. He pondered about talking about it to Minerva, but he didn’t feel like betraying the girl. She looked so embarrassed by the situation. Tonight, he saw something in her he never could’ve guessed. He didn’t see just a know-it-all girl, just a walking book that kept talking. No, he saw a young woman struggling to find peace within herself, a young woman smothered by guilt. Someone that he could understand. Someone that could understand him. Maybe he should just make himself useful and help someone. Not from the shadows, but from upfront. He would keep an eye on the Granger girl, though he didn’t plan on doing anything. After all, that might make her suspicious about his intentions. With what occurred lately, he couldn’t afford to make a mistake and make her believe he cared about her wellbeing. The selfish part of him saw the girl as someone that would finally be on the same line as he was, someone he could use to feel better, and he was trying hard to convince himself that’s all it – _she_ – was about. After a huge mental debate, he decided to give back to Gryffindor the 50 points he took when he encountered Granger after curfew. No one would notice what happened and he didn’t feel like penalising her for something she couldn’t even control.

When he finally decided to get some sleep, he recalled one sentence the young witch said. _“I never thought I’d ever say these words to you but… thanks for your empathy”._ Maybe he was changing.


	6. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll show you mines  
> If you show me yours first,  
> Let's compare scars,  
> I'll tell you whose is the worst"  
> \- Rise Against

_“You’re safe”_.

Hermione had almost an hour before the beginning of her class. Runes, to be exact. She was sitting by the lake, wrapped in her warm coat. She wasn’t over her night. Not yet. The memories of the War were still burning her soul, carved deep within her own being. Safe. For a moment, last night, she did feel safe. Indeed, safety was what stopped her nightmare. What made her “come back”. A tear fell down her cheek. She couldn’t keep from cursing herself. The only place she found safety so far was in the arms of a Professor. Severus Snape of all people. How pathetic was that? As her mind was caught in the mist of the war, she suddenly fell warmth all around her. She could hear someone’s heart beating, quite irregularly, though the breathing that was with it was steady. Things got clearer. Arms wrapped around her, not as tight as she hoped. A chest rising and falling right against her. She shifted in order to see who was holding her, who was bringing her back, but as soon as she did so, the warmth was gone and Severus Snape was standing in front of her with a grumpy face.

_“You’re safe”._

He said those words so softly she didn’t recognise his voice. So soft it broke the walls of her memories and she could finally grab something, anything, to bring her back to reality. If only it could have lasted longer, if only she could have enjoyed safety for a bit longer. If only… it wasn’t Severus Snape, her Professor, his best friend’s bully. Sure, he did save Harry countless of times, he sacrificed almost 20 years of his life to make amend, but he bullied students to compensate the misery he was living in. A part of her understood that he was a good man, but that part was buried deep beneath a mask of disdain and sinful deeds. He could be a better man, but he was obviously scared of change.

With a heavy sight, she decided to stop thinking about him for a bit. After all, she had detention with him that evening. The previous night, she had discovered his human side and now, she wasn’t dreading his presence so much anymore. She stayed by the lake for a bit more, then headed to the Great Hall to eat breakfast. Her friends would have questions ready for her if she didn’t show up. She didn’t know yet if she would talk about last night to Ginny. She never liked speaking about her nightmares and what the war did to her, especially to her friends, who suffered so much already.

She took a seat between Ginny and Seamus and started eating right away. She indulged in some small talk with her friends, forgetting for a bit the torment she felt cutting deep through her soul. They were still all quietly mourning their loved ones, but she was glad her best friends survived all of this. They lost a lot of people already. Dumbledore, Remus, Tonks, Dobby, Fred as well as Hogwarts students.  

Her whole morning was dedicated to Runes. She had the basics since third year and always enjoyed the magical part of it. How to place Runes to protect oneself and created wards without a wand, though it couldn’t replace a real charm produced with the latter. None of her close friend took that option and somehow, she was glad she had some classes alone, where she could completely focus on learning instead of feeling the urge to help people out.

Time flew by until she found herself in her dorms. She just had 30 minutes to get ready for her detention, not that she really needed to make any effort. She freshened up and changed clothes. Knowing Snape, she would probably have to wash cauldrons anyway, so why bother with her school uniform? She grabbed her bag, in case she would have the opportunity to do her homework, though she doubted it. She left early and walked peacefully towards the dungeons, praying she wouldn’t be the only one present at that detention.

Hermione waited for her Professor in front of his classroom. A knot appeared in her stomach as she saw him coming and she was the only one standing there. She looked away and let him enter the room first.

 

Severus sat at his desk while his student reluctantly walked in. She didn’t know what to do, if she had to sit at a desk or grab something to wash. He looked at her for a moment, noticing her lack of school uniform. That definitely wouldn’t help him treating her like a student. Her taste in clothing was clearly practical, but he kind of liked the way she looked. He was even considering liking it more without any clothing at all, but he immediately forced himself to forget about that thought.

"Sir?" she asked quietly. "What do you want me to do?"

He hated how his mind twisted her words to make it sound like something sexual, and even more, he hated the fact that he wanted to feel her body against his again, but his position wouldn’t allow it. He hated finding her attractive, so much he found himself to be a disgusting pig. She could almost be his daughter, while all he could think of was seducing her.

"I expect you to make those hands of yours useful, Miss Granger"

Hermione blushed at those words, hoping this wasn’t another one of her vivid dreams. Was the innuendo there on purpose? She really wondered what he wanted from her. Her dreams were not a joke. After a long moment of awkward silence, he added,

"You will now brew your own Sleeping Draught. That’ll save me some time. I expect you to do it perfectly, though I have my doubts. You may go in my storeroom. I’ll tell you where the ingredients are while picking up mines"

She nodded and followed him to the said room, a bit surprised at how tiny it was. Surely there was no way she would enter this place without brushing her body against his. She took a deep breath. She lived in a tent for several months with two guys, so a little physical contact wasn’t going to scare her. She paced in carefully, paying extra attention to not intrude her Professor’s personal space, which was far from an easy task. He pointed out the shelves on which were lying the ingredients she needed while he was busy. He was grabbing Asphodel Powder, bat wings and a Bezoar, as well as some others that she couldn’t see because he had his back turn to her.

He waited for her at the door and she got out as soon as she could. Severus frowned when he smelled her scent passing by. She was smelling the exact same as last night, and he knew she couldn’t have had the time to brew anything before coming to his detention. That was bad news for him, but he made he made her go in the storeroom with him to make sure of it. He was attracted to her, and despite his denial, not only in a physical way.

Hermione started brewing, suddenly calmer. Working for her classes always soothed her in some way, though her worst distraction was standing one table away from her, brewing as well. His behaviour towards her changed, she noticed. He shifted when she walked past him and he was constantly keeping an eye on her. She threw some glances in his direction as well and got to see something unexpected. When he was focused on his potion, his frown was nowhere to be seen. He was completely absorbed by the task and even seem relaxed as his hands were constantly moving to execute the perfect batch. It was hypnotising to watch.

"Miss Granger, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to stop staring at me, I doubt this will help you brew," he said matter-of-factly.

"I’m sorry," she huffed, "you just… look different when you’re actually brewing"

"You’re supposed to focus on your potion, not staring at me," he spat. "But since you’re incapable of keeping your mouth shut, let me ask you something. I heard from Minerva you and M. Weasley were… a thing. How come you don’t talk to him about those… nightmares? Not that I care, of course"

She bit her lower lip. Clearly, she wasn’t expecting him to know about Ron, though this information was more than outdated.

"Why would I answer if you do not care. After all, I can be able to shut my mouth from time to time."

Severus sighted. He just cornered himself in that situation. Curiosity killed the cat. He just wanted to know if that indeed was a thing. In his opinion, they made a terrible couple. Weasley was just a dunderhead not worthy of her intelligence, clearly. He and Potter wouldn’t have been alive if it wasn’t for her.

"Well, I came to wonder after last night. It’s called curiosity, it has nothing to do about caring," he answered flatly.

She snorted.

"Severus Snape, reformed spy, is now a gossip hunter. Well, about your question. Talking about the War _is_ why Ronald and I didn’t stay together for long. He didn’t want to talk about it, I did. Period. We’re friends now and it’s okay, I just have no one to talk to"

"Minerva?" he suggested.

"Busy with the reconstruction and her job as new Headmistress"

"Potter?"

"Has enough with Ginny and his own scars"

He quickly ran out of suggestions, still brewing with ease. A heavy silence fell onto the room, where nobody dared to say anything. The only thing there to be heard was the flamed, fumes and stirring associated with potion making. Severus finished before her and filled quite a number of flask with his batch.

As soon as that was done, he came to check her potion. The colour was good and it seemed she hadn’t made any mistake so far, not that he would point that out. Somehow, he felt sorry for the girl. She had no one she could rely onto with the War. When he was her age, he’d seen his share of horror too, but Albus was there. The old man may not had been the best person he got to talk to, but at least he listened to him and helped him make amends for his past. This girl had no one and was convinced that asking for any kind of help now that the War was over would be too much to ask.

"Should you ever want somebody willing to talk about the War with you, you can come talk to me" he said boldly. "Of course, I may ask you to brew some potions for me in return, but that’s the deal"

She looked up from her cauldron directly into his eyes. She looked wary.

"Are you mocking me, sir?" she asked with a visible frown.

"Was I yesterday evening?" he spat. "You may leave once you’re done with your potion."

Guilt came over her when she realised he was right. She didn’t say a word and finished her potion. He handed her flask and let her take three along. She muttered a quiet “thank you” and headed towards the door but before she stepped out, she turned back to look at him.

"Thank you, Professor. I’ll consider your offer…" She hesitated. "You’re a good man, Severus Snape."

She disappeared as soon as the words left her mouth, scared he would react badly. She just couldn’t leave without saying anything. Severus Snape, of all people, was offering her help. He gave her potions to help her sleep and even told her he would listen to her. She didn’t know how, but she definitely planned on thanking him. She smiled all the way back to her Common Room.

 

In the privacy of his quarter, Severus Snape poured himself another glass of Odgen’s fire whiskey. He was playing with fire and he knew it, yet couldn’t help it. He wanted to help her, for him but her as well. Now that his task to save the Chosen One was over, he needed something to pursue in life, though he hated how his mind decided to choose the Granger girl for that. She had a bright mind for sure, was hard-working and had an impressive thirst for knowledge, but her bossiness and praise-seeking behaviour were getting on his nerve every time she would be in the same room as him. He had to admit that the War made her calmer, more laid back and scarred. But also, she became an adult, mature and wiser. Someone he would have maybe considered dating if she wasn’t one of her students.

 _“You’re a good man”_. Sure, he was and that was why he just wanted to undress and shag her every time she would step into the same room as him. _This is so fucked up_ , he thought. He was lusting after a student. This was so ethically wrong, but a part of himself would sometimes not give a damn about that. When he would close his eyes at night, even when he would focus on potions or grading papers, Hermione Granger would always pop in his mind in ways that were far from appropriate. He’d lied if he said he hadn’t jacked off many times thinking about her and how she would feel around his cock. How she would kiss him. How they would spend hours doing those _others things_ she had once been thinking about. His hands were tied by ethics and morals but his mind wandering in dangerous places. Dangerous but pleasurable.

 

November came quickly as nothing happened. Hermione tried to focus on her classes and studying despite her frequent nightmares. She went to fetch some more in the weeks following her detention but didn’t dare talking to him about her memories. He told her he preferred her to write to him when she needed potions, so she did so and he would usually meet her in the library and drop the flasks on her desk, pretending to search for a book, waited a bit and then left. She pondered several times if she should or not talk, but resigned and so he left. They barely made eye contact and didn’t even exchange words apart from “hello” and “thanks”.

It was Saturday night, and she was meeting him again. Library, 10PM, near the restricted section. Her nightmares had been getting worse over the past few weeks and she was feeling more and more exhausted. She lost weight again, though she most of the time would try to hide it, her empty cheeks weren’t lying. With no one else to turn to, she decided that tonight, she would consider his offer and maybe try to open up.

As usual, she waited on a chair, a book in her hands. Mrs Pince wasn’t there that late but Severus made sure the library would remain unlocked for this evening. At least nobody would catch them there, though in the end, they weren’t doing anything prohibited by the school rules. Apart from curfew. It’s not until she felt someone standing next to her than she noticed he was already there. He put some flasks on her desk and looked at books once more.

"Sir?"

He slowly turned to look at her, an eyebrow lifted expectantly.

"I would like to accept your offer… that is, if it still stands," she said awkwardly.

"I must admit I’m surprised. Gryffindors have a hard time swallowing their pride and ask for help."

She didn’t react to his second-hand insult, deeming it not important enough. Instead she rolled her eyes. Severus took the chair in front of him and sat on it, facing her.

"Let me warn you first, Miss Granger. I am not and won’t be your personal psychologist. What I offer if for you to get some memories out of your chest and toughen your mind in order to be able to live with those. They won’t go away. Never. But you must learn to accept them," he said flatly.

"I don’t expect you to be my _personal psychologist_ , as you say. But… are you? I mean, able to live with it? Harry told me about your memories… It helped me understand you a bit more…"

The Professor frowned. Of course, Potter had to share his intimate secrets with his friends, but what else was he expecting? He sighted deeply. She was not responsible for that, after all. He didn’t actually expect her to ever speak up and accept his offer. He didn’t mind, at least it was something different than the boredom from his dungeons. And though he wouldn’t admit it, he wanted to spend time with her, however, he didn’t act on it. Now she was in front of him, eyes shining from the candle on the table. He suddenly regretted mocking the way she looked back in her young days, because she was now most definitely a pretty woman.

"Did you lose weight?" he asked.

Now that he finally could not only look at her but examine her features, he noticed she looked quite pale and exhausted.

"I guess… My nights are restless… I keep have nightmares…" she muttered, ashamed.

"Tell me more. What are they about?" he asked, making sure he didn’t sound too interested.

She looked away for a few moments.

"Malfoy Manor. I know I have nothing to complain about but… I can’t forget… How Bellatrix Lestrange tortured me."

Hermione did her best to not let any tear leave her eyes in front of her Professor. The situation was embarrassing enough for her as it was.

"You’re not complaining" he said. "Go on."

 "She put her cursed dagger in my arms and carved “mudblood” in it. And now I’m left with this scar. A shameful brand to bear each day…"

He scoffed.

"Tell me all about it," he answered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Silence fell upon the pair. Hermione realised how similar yet different they both was. They both were scarred, physically and mentally. They had been through wars and terrible things, yet chose different lifestyle, different sides, different ways of coping.

"Can I see it?" she asked.

He frowned, surprised by her words. The Dark Mark was not really something he was proud of and apart from Voldemort and his followers, nobody would ever ask to see it.

"Then show me yours. Maybe I can make it fade."

She raised her sleeve up to her elbow and put her naked forearm on the table so he could see, thanks to the light of the candle. He gently grabbed her wrist in his left hand and use his left thumb to trace the line of her scar. Indeed, the word “mudblood” was deeply carved in it. It almost reminded him of Potter’s scar. Undoubtedly cursed. her face, bright red, was turned towards the bookshelves. That scar was more than just a word. It was a constant reminding of what she had faced and how many of her “kind” had been killed because their blood wasn’t deemed worthy enough. She shivered when he touched her arm again, filling her whole body with goosebumps.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… uhm do anything wrong. I’ll see if I can do anything about that."

She nodded, scared by what just happened. She liked it when he would run his fingertips up her arm, even though it was on her scar. She shook her head briefly; those were some misplaced thoughts. He was trying to help and all she could feel was how warm his hands felt.

He shown her his Dark Mark, clenching his teeth at the sight of his daily remember of his own stupidity. She didn’t dare touching it but looked quite impressed by it. They talked a bit more, mostly about potions, since none of them felt the need to elaborate on scars. When she left the library, Hermione felt better. Lighter. She found someone to help her, someone she never would’ve thought had still a beating heart. However, she knew that from now on, she’d have to be careful because insidious thoughts were trying to enter her mind. At least she was sure of one thing. She wouldn’t have any nightmares tonight, but maybe some dreams.


	7. Playing with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Playing with fire is bad for those who burn themselves. For the rest of us, it is a very great pleasure"  
> \- Jerry Smith

Since that evening, they arranged other meetings almost every Wednesday evening, when Severus was on patrol. He would unlock the library and they would talk. Sometimes not for long, sometimes for several hours, depending on what they had to say. The Potion Master learned a lot from his student that way. Mainly, what actually happened at Malfoy Manor – which he somehow insisted on knowing in order to try and find out what kind of curse was used on the witch’s arm – but also about the hunt of Horcruxes. In the past, he skimmed through the articles revolving around this hunt published in the Daily Prophet, mainly interviews or Potter, without giving it too much thoughts. Hearing it from her was completely different. Indeed, there was quite some action but what she told him wasn’t nearly as accurate as the “Saviour’s ultimate hunt” he read about. The golden trio spent a lot of time searching places and deciphering the vague hints Dumbledore had left them. He realized how hard it must have been for a young witch to be deprived from material and emotional comfort for months.

Hermione’s nightmares became less and less frequent. Speaking with her Professor definitely made her feel much better. He never seemed to judge her when she would speak about her feelings and memories. He may not be really demonstrative, but at least he was listening.

"Sir… I feel like I’m always talking about myself. I know it’s quite misplaced from me to ask about your personal life but… this situation is already somehow unprofessional so… I mean, I’d understand if you’d refuse of course," she asked, her hazel eyes fixed on him.

Severus fell silent for a moment. He knew she was right, but what could he possibly tell her?

"I think Saint Potter told you enough about my personal life already, didn’t he?" he sneered.

She blushed a bit at the comment. After all, she knew one of his once well-kept secret.

"Actually, I just know… that you loved his mother and that’s why you protected him after she died because you blamed yourself for it. I know I shouldn’t know this, but I’m not going to lie about what I know," she stated.

"At least Potter didn’t dwell on details," he sighted, "actually, things are a bit more complicated than that, but I guess I can share some with you, he finally said. I first met Lily Evans in my childhood. She was living in Spinner End, just like me. She was my first and only friend. We spent a lot of time together back then because I didn’t like staying home so much. When I learned that she was a witch, I told her about our world, about Hogwarts. Her sister, that brat, always called us freask and was really scared of me. I was so glad I finally had a friend that I didn’t even consider Hogwarts would be much of a bad experience. Turns out, she was sorted in Gryffindor and I, in Slytherin. She met James Potter and they became friends. Despite the hatred I had for the lad, Lily and I remained friends and I unsurprisingly grew a crush on her. She was a bright girl with a really kind heart. Tensions grew between me and the Gryffindor quartet, especially Sirius and James. Those two would never leave me alone. One day, everything changed. They pushed me to the edge and Lily came to defend me. My pride got in the way. I felt so powerless and humiliated that a girl had to come and help me that I insulted her. I called her a mudblood and she never talked to me again after the incident. At that time, the Slytherin “crew” of Lucius Malfoy spotted my talent for Potions and he was trying to get me under his wing to join Voldemort after Hogwarts. He was talking to me every evening about blood purity and the threat muggleborns were to our community. So I lost my temper and it cost me the only friend I ever had as well as the only person I ever loved. With nobody else to turn to, I hanged out more and more with Malfoy. He and his friends were the only one giving me any credit, but also the only one to somehow keep the Gryffindors away from me. They told me I had potential and I wanted to prove the world I could be a powerful wizard. A wizard nobody would ever challenge. A wizard with immense potential. My ambition blinded me and I took the Dark Mark after my graduation. However, when Voldemort planned to kill Lily, I freaked out. As di1sgusting as it sounds, I didn’t care much about her husband or her son. I just wanted her safe. I failed and they all died. Dumbledore accepted to take me back and offered me some kind of redemption, but for that I needed to take care of Potter… Now I did. Voldemort’s gone and I’m trying to find a reason to keep on living, since I didn’t plan to live post war.

Surprised by his honesty, Hermione didn’t know what to answer. Of course, she was aware that this wasn’t all to it, but most of it.

"You could blame me for it. I guess I have something to do with you still being alive..." she said with discomfort.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

The only thing he remembered was the bite. Afterwards, he woke up in St-Mungo, where the Mediwitch told him a witch brought him in during the battle. He didn’t get any name and no one has ever spoken about it so he didn’t dig the matter.

"I apparated you in St-Mungo despite what Harry and Ron wanted…" she explained. "I visited you almost every day for seven weeks. One day, I’ve been told you were awake when I arrived… I didn’t dare to go in, since I was probably the last person you wanted to see back then. I’m sorry if this was the wrong choice."

Severus stared in shock. She was maybe the only person back then that cared if he lived or died. Even to his only friend, Albus, he had been “expendable”, so why not for this girl?

"I never said that. I’m sorry if I’ve been ungrateful, I didn’t know you… you were the one that got me out of the Shrieking Shack," he said slowly.

He slowly stood up, frowning. Hermione did the same, not knowing if her revelations was anything good or otherwise. She wanted to ask but didn’t dare.

"I guess it’s logical that I help you now then. You deserve no less, Miss Granger." He swallowed hard. "Thank you."

She lifted her gaze to meet his and smiled brightly.

"You deserve to live, Sir. Without being chained to anything or anybody," she said with teary eyes. "This is your chance for a new beginning…"

She didn’t understand how this man, who went through so much already, couldn’t allow himself to have a second chance. He might not be perfect, but nobody was. This was his chance to make it better. He paid for his mistakes so now was the time to build something new and healthy. She took a step forward and, despite fearing rejection, gently wrapped her arms around him.

Severus Snape felt instantly paralyzed. He didn’t see that coming. Who did she think she was, telling him whether or not he deserved to live? Conflicted and frozen on spot, he did nothing. The girl didn’t have any bad intentions, that he knew. Fighting the urge to just hug her back and wrapped her petite body with his arms, he let her, allowed her, for a moment until she quietly stepped back.

"Sorry," she managed to say, her voice heavy with emotion. "I’d better go…"

"All fine..." he answered as she grabbed her bag and rushed out of the library.

The Slytherin was disappointed in himself. He wished he could have just wrapped her in her arms and kept her there forever, but he was fully aware of how unethical it was. He didn’t move an inch because he was afraid to get in trouble, because she was still a student, woman or not. When he finally entered his quarters, he asked himself when he started doing what was right without being forced to.

 

 

 

Their meetings stopped for a bit after that evening. Hermione couldn’t help but feel like she did something wrong, something unwelcome. She waited for a sign that he still was offering her some help, but hadn’t seen any so far.

December was there before she even noticed. Harry and Ron invited her to spend the holidays at the Burrow, but she politely refused. Since her break-up with Ronald, she felt a bit estranged from the family and most of all, she felt like she betrayed the Weasleys in some way. Molly was ecstatic when her son announced their relationship last year but it ended before they had made any concrete plans about the future. She remembered how disappointed Ronald’s parents looked when they broke up and since then, she avoided their house the most she could. Her own parents were still nowhere to be found, so she decided to spend Christmas at Hogwarts.

The day her friends left the school, she promised she would write and wished them a nice holiday. She went to the library right after. For once, she had time all by herself and was planning on making the best of it. Studying her NEWTs and probably read extra books, as always. When she arrived, she was surprised to see that her favourite table was already taken. By Snape. She sat somewhere else. Even if she did want to talk to him – which she wouldn’t have admitted – no other students were supposed see them together, whether or not the environment was professional.

She watched him several times between her readings. He was absorbed by a book which she never saw before. It peeked her attention and interest since it probably belonged to the restricted section. However, she was too far to be able to read the title.

Even if Severus hadn’t been a spy, he would have eventually noticed somebody was staring at him and what he was doing. He lifted his gaze and met Hermione’s. They hadn’t talked since he told her about his past. Or maybe it was because he’d been too stiff to answer her supportive hug. He suspected she was expecting him to make a move but he was unsure about what to do.

The Slytherin was not someone reckless, nor someone particularly bold. However, he subtly left a not on her desk as he left the library.

_Should you need anything – potion-like or not – you can meet me in my quarter this evening. I won’t be on patrol so don’t get caught._

When she turned her head to look at him, he was already gone. Coming from the man, this was clearly an invitation to his quarters but why was the question. She knew somehow she might have gotten too far the last time they met but she didn’t think. The only thing she wanted at that moment was for him to feel like he mattered, because he did, at least to her. Her weird feeling of warmth spread in her chest. She folded the paper and put it in her bag then leave the library.

 _What the hell am I thinking? This is not a date_ , she muttered to herself and she changed outfit once again. Good thing was, the Gryffindor Tower was almost empty during the holiday so she could leave without being spotted. She settled for a pair of jeans, a plain white tank top and a shirt. No use putting up effort in this after all. Maybe the man just wanted to tell her how misplaced her actions were. Maybe he wanted to put an end to whatever they had been sharing. Her chest tightened considerably at those thoughts. She needed to know.

 

 

Severus didn’t dwell on his intentions. His missed their meetings, he missed talking to her. But he had found the right excuse to see her. After a lot of reading, he was maybe on the way of a solution for her scar, but he would need some… experiments to be sure. He wasn’t completely sure she would show up but he was pretty positive she would. Since the “incident”, he couldn’t help but thinking about how warm her body felt against his, how much it felt like her body was mould to fit against his. Did she feel the same at all? That he couldn’t tell. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he quickly checked the time. 10PM.

He went to open the door and unsurprisingly greeted Granger, a slight smile on his lips.

"Good evening, Sir," she whispered. "I… I’m sorry if my actions last time were inappropriate."

"You might come in. I don’t wish to discuss this in a hallway."

He gestured her inside and she proceeded without an ounce of hesitation.

"You have no reason to be sorry. My actions lately haven’t been the most professional either but there are facts to take into consideration. We’re both adults and we both have a heavy burden on our shoulders. I was… wondering if my story might have been the reason why you didn’t wish to meet me anymore…" he said as he took a seat in an armchair.

He pointed at the couch and she took a seat, fidgeting.

"N-no… I’m honoured you’ve decided to share it with me, honestly. I… I was scared I might have done something wrong. I mean… a student and a teacher aren’t supposed to… er… hug. So I… thought maybe it was best for me to keep my distance."

"I see" was all he managed to answer.

She looked at her feet for some minutes until Severus couldn’t bare the silence surrounding the room anymore. He offered her some tea and poured himself some into a cup.

"Well, you could see it as two survivors _hugging,_ " he finally suggested with an emphasis on the last word.

She nodded, the cup in her hand and she took a long sip of tea. He understood quite quickly that she was trying to hide her blush with the beverage, which made him smirk. She really was a pretty sight when she was embarrassed. He shook the thought and tried to stick to what he wanted her to know.

"I actually stumbled upon some interesting readings about curses. But in order to treat your scar, we’ll need to determine what curse was applied to it."

Once again, she nodded before holding his gaze. He had her attention on this one. He stood up and awkwardly sat next to her in the couch, keeping a safe and appropriate distance between them, then he slowly reached out for her left forearm. She rolled up her sleeve and let him point his wand to her scar. He muttered some spells but nothing happened. Hermione kept her breathing steady while her Professor was focused on his task.

"Mmh. No response. Do you mind if I try a potion on your arm? I brewed it yesterday evening and it is proved to be harmless. It just occasions some discomfort and tiredness but I cannot guarantee it won’t have any side effects."

She relaxed as he let go of her arm.

"Suit yourself, anything to get rid of it."

He nodded and came back right away with a flask full of light blue potion. He carefully let a few drops crash on her scar and waited for a reaction. When she clenched her fist, he knew something was happening, but nothing showed. He quirked an eyebrow, ready to hear any physical discomfort.

"It stings," she explained with a wince.

The word carved in her skin suddenly turned black and she felt her head going a bit dizzy. Severus didn’t anticipate the potion doing any harm since he tried it on himself before. That meant a lot though. It reacted to Dark Magic – since his mark sort of reacted too – but changed colour, which meant it was caused by another kind of curse. That might mean it was removable.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded, still wincing. The scar reversed to its natural colour after a few minutes. He cleared his throat.

"According to that, I would say it might – I insist on _might_ – be reversible. I can’t guarantee anything yet but I’ll keep researching in that matter."

"Thank you, Professor, but you don’t have to spend any time worrying about it. It… it’s just a scar."

"It’s not just a scar to you, is it?" he asked, already knowing the answer. "Wearing brand of that sort is never easy. Are you feeling all right?"

She looked exhausted, probably an aftermath of the potion. When he tried it on his Dark Mark, nothing but a slight pain and a feeling of sleepiness occurred. That was the reason he asked her to come in his quarter instead of doing this kind of experiment in an open and uncomfortable area. He panicked when her nose started bleeding, afraid he exposed her to some kind of danger. All of this was purely experimental and he might as well had made a mistake. He Accio’ed some tissues and gave them to her, his face surprisingly covered with concern. He kept on staring nervously at her face for some minutes, waiting for something, anything, to happen..

"It’s okay, it’s not bleeding anymore but I still feel dizzy," she admitted.

"It looks like your body is rejecting the potion," he observed. "Lie down, Miss Granger, we wouldn’t want you to faint now, would we?"

In no position to deny the offer, she simply complied and lie down but as soon as she did, a wave of exhaustion crushed her and she fell asleep almost instantly. Severus worried for a moment when she didn’t move at all anymore but hearing her breathing, he decided to sit in his armchair again and wait. He watched her sleep for a long time. He knew he shouldn’t be staring but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of the witch sleeping right in front of him. Only then did he fully realised how pretty she was, how attractive she became. _Old pervert_ , he commented, fully aware that he was behaving like one. He broke eye contact with her frame and resumed thinking about the experiment he had just conducted. Despite the panic it caused him, he had to say the process was interesting. The Potion was a purification mixture use to clean people of basic curses. If her body refused it, that could mean several things. Either the curse was more powerful than he originally thought, either there was another reason her body rejected the cleansing, but he couldn’t think of any at the moment.

His thoughts were interrupted by the girl. For a second, he thought he heard her speak but once his eyes lent on her, he noticed she was deeply asleep. She had rolled on her side and sounded comfortable. Her features were relaxed, peaceful. He had never seen her with such a happy expression. He almost got startled when a moan escaped her lips. Wait. A moan? His mind probably made that up. She did it again. He froze on spot. What was he supposed to do?

"Professor..." she breathed out between moans.

Severus felt his blood leave his brain to reach his nether regions. This had to be an effect of the potion, there was no other explanation. Or she was having one of her naughty dreams again… Too bad she couldn’t share the view. Her moans was music to his ears and he couldn’t help but stare at her, more aroused than he would have liked to admit.

"Severus," she whispered as her cheeks gained a soft pink colour.

He couldn’t take it anymore. If this would go on any longer, he would either come undone in his pants like a randy teenager or feel the need to do something about it that he would probably never forgive himself for.

He slowly walked towards the couch and crouched next to her, ignoring the throbbing pulse he felt in his groin. Now was not the moment. Never was to moment, to be exact. He carefully put his hand on her shoulder and gently shook her. This girl didn’t react and proceeded to let out a muffled moan. He couldn’t take this anymore. If things didn’t change quickly, he would find himself in a completely unethical position, with her beneath him, he suspected.

 "Miss Granger," he called softly.

The girl didn’t respond, still fast asleep.

 "… Hermione!" he practically shouted as a desperate attempt to wake her up when she let out a stifled sound again.

The Gryffindor finally woke up.

"Professor," she yawned, "why did you…"

"You feel asleep… you were having a…. nightmare," he lied.

"Oh…. Why did you use my first name?" she asked, puzzled.

"You wouldn’t wake up…"

She nodded and he advised her to go back to her dorms before she fell asleep again. She gathered her bag and rushed towards the door, a soft blush blooming on her cheeks.

"Wait, Herm… Miss Granger!" he blurted out. "I’ll keep you informed of the progression of my research."

She muttered a soft “thank you” and disappeared with no other words. In the hallways, she was too distracted to pay attention to where she stepped or on whether or not she was making any noise. She didn’t have any nightmare because she remembered clearly what she had been dreaming of. Severus. Again. And if he woke her up, that meant she said or did something that led him to think he needed to. This was so embarrassing, yet he didn’t mention anything but looked sort of nervous. Clearly, she must have said something weird, even though he still wanted to work with her.

 _“Did he… mind the situation at all? It didn’t look like it. No, no, I shouldn’t think about that”._ Lucky enough, she reached the Common Room without seeing anybody. She changed into her pyjamas and dropped inelegantly on her bed. What by Merlin’s beard was happening to her? No matter how much she wanted to ignore and deny it, she knew she was slowly falling for her Professor, though she couldn’t understand why. Lately, he had been acting astonishingly kind and supportive with her but she didn’t know what he was thinking of the situation, if anything at all. Gathering all her Gryffindor courage, she vowed to herself she would find out why he was helping her and if there were any reasons for him to do so, apart from what he already said.

He saw her dream and instead of pushing her away, he let her in, on several occasions. That had to mean something. Or so she hoped.  


	8. Tensions and Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.”  
> ― Seneca, Moral Essays: Volume III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long to post an update! I was - and still kinda am - quite overwhelmed with all the work I have to do for university and my health problems on top of that! 
> 
> But, here it is, and I hope you will like it :) 
> 
> P.S. : I have a surgery scheduled on the 5th of April (in 4 days), so I might not post the next chapter in the upcoming week, but I'll try my best to do so.

That evening more than ever, Hermione would have needed a friend to talk to. But what would she even tell them? _“Hey, I think I have a huge crush on Severus Snape!”._ She snorted, noticing that she was behaving like a silly schoolgirl instead of the adult she thought she was. Just because a brilliant man found her company bearable didn’t mean he felt anything at all for her. At least nothing more than pity and sympathy. She curled up in bed, rolled in her blanket and tried to ignore the heartache that would probably keep her awake.

In order to get the man out of her head, Hermione headed to Hogsmead the next day. A bit of fresh air would do her good. She enjoyed the thick snow covering the buildings. Winter always brought calm and peace to her heart. The wind was blowing but not cold enough to make her cheeks ache.

She entered her favourite bookshop and peacefully paced between the shelves. There she felt home, but not as much as at Hogwarts. She grabbed two books. One about advanced Charms and a fictional story to keep next to her bed. She was about to pay when she noticed a book. It caught her eye – which was not surprising since it was put on display. Its title shone in golden letters “Potions throughout History: worldwide brewing methods”, written by a famous Potion Expert, internationally renowned. Immediately, she thought that Severus – well, Professor Snape – would probably like that book. He was doing research on her behalf and they shared thing between adults, so it wouldn’t be so inappropriate to gift him something for Christmas, would it? Seizing her chance to finally thank him, she bought all three books and walked out of the shop with no idea of what to do next. It looked like she couldn’t really get her mind off her teacher. In the end, she visited other shops and bought some school furniture, however, she avoided getting anywhere near the Shrieking Shack, filled with too many bad memories.

_So much not to think about him_ , she thought with annoyance.

 

 

All Severus had done for the past few days was researching, yet he still had no answer. Her kept replaying the event in his mind, trying to figure out why her body reacted the way it did. There were many ways to curse an object or person in order to leave those kinds of marks, so many he didn’t know where to start. Her student didn’t give much of explanation concerning the torture, which was understandable. She couldn’t be one hundred percent aware while she was in such a situation. He knew there was only one way he could figure this out, and he was not sure she would agree to it. He needed to enter her mind and see the event for himself. Despite her being at Hogwarts during the holidays, he barely saw her at all. The last time he saw her was at breakfast, two days after their last encounter.

He had tried not to give much thought to the last thing that happened between them. Part of him wished he had just acted on it and decided to deal with the consequences later, but he couldn’t bring himself to it. She was not just an object of desire, but a person, who might as well not be interested in him despite all the contradictory hints she left him with. He thought about her when he woke up, first thing in the morning, and when he would go to sleep. He tried so hard to forget everything revolving around her, but he couldn’t. He checked the time. 7PM. He headed to the Great Hall to have dinner. Seeing colleagues would probably help him clear his head.

“Severus, you’ve been really quiet lately, is everything alright?” Minerva asked quietly as he sat beside her.

“I’ve been investing a lot of time in research lately, how have you been doing?” he asked politely.

The old witch smiled softly.

“I’m doing fine, thank you, Severus. Are you, by any chance, softening lately?” she answered.

“You should ask my students, I guess. I don’t think they would share your point of view.” He turned to her with a dry smile.

“Or so I heard. You gave detention to Miss Granger, of all people!” she exclaimed. Her tone was light, but he could see a slight frown on her face.

“She was distracted. War Hero or not, she almost poisoned the whole classroom so I set an example.”

She nodded, though not satisfied by his answer. He might be right, but she still didn’t appreciate him putting her best student in detention. Even though she noticed him softening over the months, she didn’t know how far this would go. He wasn’t as snarky and condescending anymore. Since the War ended, he seemed calmer, more peaceful. Apparently, telling him so would not change a thing, but she was glad to see this man finally loosening. She once was a teacher of this troubled boy. Albus deemed him expendable when Sirius tricked him and almost killed him, but also when he let him spy as a Death Eater. In the end, everything turned “fine”. As “fine” as many deaths could mean.

Severus glanced over the Gryffindor table. Granger was sitting there, her back towards him. She probably guessed he didn’t wake up because of a nightmare… He wouldn’t make any remarks concerning her dreams, since his were quite similar and almost as enjoyable.

 

 

Hogwarts was organising a party for the few people who stayed over. Hermione decided to wear a simple red dress that would suit her skin tone. With the help of a glamour charm, she put her hair in a sophisticated bun. A bit of make-up and she was ready for the party, glad that her outfit hid the scar on her right shoulder.

Several Christmas trees were decorating the Great Hall, as well as various light of different colours. Each House had a tree with their colours on display, plus a big multicolour one at the centre of the room. The tables had been removed to give the people some space to dance, but a few round tables were located on the side of the Great Hall.

“Granger! Can’t say I expected to see you here instead of the library!” A sneer came from behind her.

She turned to see a blonde in an elegant and very pricey suit.

“Draco! I could tell you the same! Please, call me Hermione for once”

Since she and Harry were testified at the Malfoy trial, the family managed to maintain a respectful relationship. Draco wanted to become a Mediwizard, which only half-surprised Hermione. They managed to get Lucius assigned home instead of sending his to Azkaban. After all, he still served the Dark Lord, but Narcissa and Draco were completely free of charges because of their help and testimony.

“My family and I can’t thank you enough for what you and Potter did, care to give me this dance?” He asked, offering her his arm.

The girl accepted. She knew none of them were happy to have to stay around during the winter break. She heard from Harry that Draco’s dad had a lot of hearings still, and was forced to have someone accompanying everywhere he would go and it usually was his wife. It was no surprise then that the younger Malfoy preferred to stay at the Castle instead of an empty Manor.

They got on the dancefloor and he made her waltz the old-wizard way. Hermione found his company quite pleasant, which was already an improvement compared to their past at Hogwarts. He asked about her class and how things were doing for her in general. She couldn’t remember him ever being so nice to her before.

“I heard you and the Weasel broke up. Believe me, you deserve better than that!” he said teasingly.

“And who does Lord Malfoy have in mind?” she asked with a smirk.

“I’m sorry to inform you that I am not a matchmaker, unfortunately,” he chuckled.

Severus was casually talking with Minerva when he saw the pair dancing and laughing together. He came to wonder when those two did become friends. They gracefully moved on the dancefloor, talking and smiling like they had always fought on the same side. If he didn’t know Draco was engaged to Astoria, he would have thought they were flirting, or even dating. Or maybe that was just his brain making things up.

“Severus, what’s with the frown now?” Minerva asked, pouring him a glass alcohol-free cocktail.

“I thought that by now you knew I have never been fond of social gatherings”

He tried his best to ignore the surge of anger that rose in him as he watched Granger and his nephew dance like that. His left hand was on her hip and she had hers resting lazily on his shoulder. At least the Triwizard tournament taught the chit how to dance. Draco, considering his family status, knew how to properly guide the girl.

“Look at how our Head Boy and Head Girl are setting an example,” the Headmaster said with a bright smile.

He nodded, more annoyed than anything else. After a few dances, the young adults finally stopped and decided to sit at a table to talk.

“Aren’t you bored being here without your friends?” The blonde asked.

“Actually, I’m fine. I’m reading and studying most of the time and I quite enjoyed some time by myself,” she explained.

Minerva took a seat at their table, followed closely by Severus.

“I’m really happy to see you two, forgetting the troubled past between Gryffindor and Slytherin,” the Headmaster said, beaming.

Draco smirked and offered his arm to Minerva.

“If I may, I would like to ask you for a dance, Headmaster,” Malfoy said cheekily.

Biting off her surprised, Minerva accepted and exchanged a meaningful look with Severus, who rolled his eyes. He finally took a seat, careful not to be too close from Granger.

“I think,” he said with annoyance, “that she wants us to do the same”

Hermione finally met his eyes, things she had been avoiding for days now. She was surprised it held no disdain nor mockery. He was just sitting there next to her as if nothing happened, suggesting that they danced together in front of students. She couldn’t help but blush a bit. Seeing how her teacher was frowning, she wasn’t counting on a dance with him, though she would like to without a doubt. Since it was only the two of them, Hermione asked about his research. Severus tried to hide his annoyance – which came from the absence of results – and explained to her that he might need some additional information in order to provide any kind of help.

She nodded, guessing she would either have to explained what happened in details or let him use Legilimency on him. She didn’t quite know which one of the two was the worse. Talking about the event was something she was not ready for. On the other hand, if she let him in her mind, that could lead to even more problems between them. What if he saw her dreams?

“I guess you’re considering using Legilimens on me… again,” she stated.

He bit his lower lip. He was not sure he truly regretted spying on her thoughts. Yes, it was inappropriate but the images had been worth the risk. And it led to a situation he did not mind a single bit. Now they were talking together out of the teacher-student context on a regular basis.

“Only if you would agree to it. I’d understand if that would be too hard emotionally or that you would rather not to,” he said, pouring them each a glass of pumpkin juice. “A Christmas Party and no alcohol around. I doubt I’m going to have any fun tonight.”

“Well, at least I bet you have some in your quarters for later, us students are not even allowed to be inebriated on the schoolground,” she teased.

He smirked at her comment, which indeed was true.

“Not that I am not curious to what kind of mess Miss know-it-all would be with alcohol, but you see, I’m a really concerned Professor, so I can’t offer you any,” he mocked.

“Such a good teacher indeed. Terrorising students, being nothing but unfair and hating people on sight for no apparent reason,” she stated, looking straight into his eyes.

He frowned, obviously not happy at her comment, yet he had nothing to answer to that.

“That’s who I am,” he said sternly.

She looked at him, mixed between frustration and hopelessness towards his behaviour.

“That’s the person you were before. Not who you are now. You’re just scared to change,” she said before standing up.

She grabbed a piece of cake and returned to the Headmaster while he kept on sitting alone, thinking.  Hermione might feel attracted to that man, but there was one thing she never appreciated. His unjustified bullying of students. Yes, she understood that as a spy for the Dark Lord, he had a reputation to hold but she still could not tolerate that. Poor Neville used to be so terrified of him in the past… However, she truly believed he could change. The War was over, he did not have to pretend anymore, yet he was using the same old scheme that made him the most dreaded teacher of Hogwarts. A part of her firmly believed he had something good in him, something he could develop to become a better man, but on the other hand, if the War wasn’t enough to change him, then what would?

She pondered if she should talk to him again. She had been abrupt, though she knew she was completely right. Turning on her heels, she noticed he was gone. While talking about how Hogwarts reconstruction had been tough, she skimmed the room but the man was nowhere to be seen, probably already back in his quarters.

The party did not go on for too long. At half past midnight, Hermione took her leave from the Great Hall and headed to the dungeons, her presents carefully wrapped inside of her handbag. Arse or not, he deserved a thank you for his research.

In front of the door, she took a deep breath and knocked three times. At first, nobody answered and she considered just going back and giving it in the morning but then, she finally heard movement behind the wooden door.

“How surprising,” he said, looking at her questioningly.

“I am not here to tell you I’m sorry for my words because I’m not. However, I wanted to thank you for a while, so…” she grabbed the book, wrapped in gold and silver papers, and offered it to him. “I thought maybe a Christmas present would... do it”.

He quirked an eyebrow, surprised that anybody – except Minerva or Albus – would gift him anything, moreover for his behaviour. He stepped back.

“You might come in if you want to,” he muttered, still examining the object he was holding.

He took a seat in his armchair and carefully unwrapped the present and his eyes widened in surprise when he realised what he was holding. He has been so caught up in research lately that he forgot that book was getting published in the country the same month.

“I was planning to buy it… how did you know?” he asked, still astonished by her doings.

Her cheeks flushed pink as she was still standing close to the doorframe.

“I saw it when I went to Hogsmead and thought you would like it,” she explained.

Holding the book in his hands, he ran his fingers on the cover, a smile appearing on his lips. Hermione swore at that moment she would never forget this image. Snape, smiling like a child. He opened the book carefully, skimming through the first pages then looked back at her, still beaming.

“I’m sorry I have nothing for you. This is… really thoughtful of you and I really do appreciate it,” he said, trying to find his composure.

She smiled kindly at him, already forgetting about their conversation in the Great Hall.

“You have been researching a lot for me and have been there when no one else was. You needn’t thank me, really. And I have the privilege to see the great Bat of the Dungeons smile. I think I can somehow get pride in that”.

Severus stood up and looked at her. He did not know how one was supposed to react when they received a gift, considering the few amount he ever got in his life. Should he hug her? Shake her hands? Do nothing? He had no clue. It had been years since he last received anything for Christmas, which became nothing more than a stupid celebration to him. Yet, this girl was standing here and gave him something he liked without wanting anything else in return. Hermione seemed to notice his awkwardness but did not dare to step closer to give him a hug. The last time she did had been tensed enough.

He wanted nothing more than to embrace his student. It had been a long time since anybody else than Minerva had actually cared about him. Slowly, he let go of his morals and let his desires control him. He stepped forward and closed his arms around a really surprised witch. Soon enough, she reciprocated, her face slightly resting on his chest as he was breathing heavily.

“Thank you,” he whispered, still trying hard to stop smiling.

She looked at him, noticing this might as well be the first time this man looked happy. His arms around her felt like the home she lost during the War. It screamed safety and she wished she would never have to let go of him. With such an honest smile on his face, she could not help but find him attractive, her heart melting at the sight of it.

Her hazel eyes were fixed on his face, alternating between his eyes and his lips. His façade was shattering inside and he could not, at this moment, pretend he felt nothing. Many emotions swirled inside of him. Happiness, relief, safety and… desire. He lowered his head and gently pressed a kiss on her lips without thinking about it first. Despite her surprise, she kissed him back, her arms wrapping around his neck and his hands gently grabbed her hips. What in the beginning was slow and gentle gradually became passionate. He deepened the kiss and she slightly opened her mouth, tentatively meeting his tongue with hers. Time seemed to have stopped as they were discovering each other’s lips and mouth, their bodies pressed together. Hermione's brain stopped working as she slid her fingers through his hair, holding on to him like there would be no tomorrow. All flushed, she felt his hands firmly clasping her hips as she lost herself completely into the kiss. She let out a stifled moan that went straight to his groin just before they broke the kiss, gasping for air and he suddenly stepped back.

“Get out,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“B-but…” she muttered.

“Get out,” he repeated, his words cutting like knives.

He refused to meet her eyes, a flush covering his face. She fled through the door, not wanting him to see the tears that filled her eyes because of his rejection. She ran to the Common Room and rushed to her bed, desperately trying to understand what just happened.


	9. Taking actions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in  
> \- Napoleon Bonaparte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your supportive message!  
> You are all really kind and I am happy you enjoy my story!
> 
> Smut on the way!

 

He had been close, way too close from a point of no return. If he had kissed her a few more seconds, no doubt she would have felt the evidence of his arousal. He wanted her so bad. When he felt a surge of blood in his nether region, the only thing he wanted was to take her no matter what, but he could not let that happen. She could have pushed him back yet she did not, kissing him back instead. Maybe she did feel something then, but somehow a part of him refused to believe that. The last time he tricked himself into thinking so, he lost the person he cared so much about.

The book was still lying on his armchair, the letters of the cover shining under the lights. If there was something that he could not deny anymore, it was that she did care about him in some way. It all started with him peaking at her thoughts, how did it end up like this? And why did he not mind any second of it?

No matter how much he would try not to think about her, she would haunt his thoughts every day, every minute of his life. He could not shake off the feeling of her hands over his body and still could feel her mouth ghosting over his, her tongue shyly brushing against his. Severus had no idea what he would do now that he bent and outright broken all the professionalism he used to abide by. He spent so much time in his research that he could not possibly think of forgetting about it all. This could help a lot of people, maybe even him, though he had to admit he came to accept his Dark Mark. It might be his shame to bare every day, but it was his reminder of all his wrong deeds. Maybe she was right and it was time for him to change.

He poured some Firewhiskey in a glass and swallow it all, feeling a burning sensation in his throat as he sat again. He put the book on the table in front of it, not daring to touch it again. Not today. Just for one night, he wished he could forget her, but there was no doubt he would need to take care of a certain part of his anatomy if he wanted to find any sleep. He should have felt guilty for touching himself while thinking about a student yet he did not in the least. A sword of Damocles was now hanging over him. Either the girl chose to never see him again and, in the worst-case scenario, to have him fired, either she would come back to him. Being kicked out of Hogwarts was not really something that would bother him so much, though he would prefer to retire instead. And if she chose to come back, there were two possibilities. First, they would pretend nothing ever happened and keep on with the research. Second, things would get complicated. Well, he always led a complicated life. He would simply have to adapt to the situation. By now, the girl was probably in her Common Room, confused about his behaviour. Was she disgusted? Was she not? He wished he could guess and anticipate her actions but she was too unpredictable to his liking.

 

 

_“Dear Ginny,_

_First of all, I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and my best wishes for your holidays. I am writing to you hoping you can help me on a particular matter. Do you remember the event that took place during the first months of classes? Well, it turns out I had meeting – not date, I insist on that point – with that person. They actually came to know that I still had trouble dealing with all that happened during these past years and we formed some kind of friendship, or so I thought. We were seeing each other and discussing theories and research almost once a week. I know it sounds crazy but the “best” is yet to come. Yesterday, I brought a Christmas present to thank them about their caring and listening and… we ended up kissing each other. Afterwards I was literally told to leave without having a chance to say anything. I am so lost, Gin’. I don’t know what all of this means, nor what I feel. I think… I might have a crush on that person but I keep getting contradictory signals. Plus, I know the situation is complicated and that it would not be a good idea at all but I cannot help but feel troubled._

_I’m sorry to write you only to ask for advice,_

_Nonetheless, I hope to hear from you soon and that everything goes fine at the Burrow,_

_Love,_

_Hermione”_

She put her quill back on the desk and wrapped the letter in an envelope, ready to send it first thing the next morning. Hermione slipped under her bedsheets, unable to forget the butterflies in her belly, refusing to go away. She had never thought such a thing would ever happen. Everything that took place after she left the Great Hall felt surreal. Severus Snape smiled to her, thanked her, hugged her and even kissed her. What was bugging her is that she did like it. All of it. At that moment, there was no one else she wanted to be with, no other man she wanted to kiss. It took one second and the dream shattered. The happy and attractive man that had changed became the snarky and bitter teacher again. It felt to her like he was struggling between his past and present self. He was changing but what place did she have in that, if any?

Despite the rejection and denial, she was just feeling troubled. The flush on his face was proof enough that he felt something when they kissed. Severus Snape, of all people, didn’t lose his composure under any circumstances. For the first time, apart maybe during the Battle of Hogwarts, she saw the vulnerable part of him. Did he push her back first so she would not have the chance to do so? Now the hardest part was for her to decide what to do. She would not take that evening away, not for anything in the world. He took the first step. If something had to happen now, it would be her turn to initiate it, but she was too scared of the impact this could have on her studies. Hermione could not possibly schedule an appointment with the Headmaster to ask her if it was okay to have an affair with a member of the staff, moreover one of her teachers. That definitely would not be a good idea, though she took some minutes to consider it. Minerva was a motherly figure for her, especially since she erased the memories of her parents during the War. The Headmaster was doing everything she could in order to make her feel safe and sound. But this was her life, and her choices, and she was tired of doing everything for others first and think about herself later.

 

 

Without any surprise, Hermione received an answer from Ginny the same day that she sent her letter. She let it in her bag until the evening, not sure of what she would read. At least, it was not a Howler, which was already a good point. She busied her all day studying for her NEWTs and only opened the envelope with a tight feeling in her throat.

“ _Dear Hermione,_

_How could you have not told me about all of this?! Really?! You were meeting somebody every week and I didn’t know anything about it? You better make that up to me!_

_More seriously, are we really talking about the same person? “Caring and listening?” Because I have my doubts here. I mean, don’t take me wrong but I really have troubling picturing that in my mind. I suppose you didn’t write any name on purpose, so I guess we are indeed talking about the same person. I don’t know if I should find the idea of you two kissing disturbing – or worse – or simply be happy for you. If life taught me one thing, it’s that if there’s a chance you are both interested, then you should probably seize it, though in your case it is not really that simple. Knowing you, you could easily figure a way to make it work or find a loophole, so don’t worry too much._

_I’m not encouraging you to do anything, I’m just telling you to follow your heart. Better try then regret it your whole life, right? I swear I won’t comment or make fun of your tastes for potential partners._

_I can’t wait to be back to hear the full story!_

_As for that particular person behaving like an arse, what exactly did you expect? I don’t think it has anything to do with them not being interested, otherwise I don’t think they would have let you in at all. Try to figure out if they might be interested in something more and start from there?_

_I don’t know, but I’m sure you’ll do just fine,_

_Merry Christmas to you too,_

_Love,_

_Ginny”_

Hermione reflected for a while on her friend’s words. She was right. If he really was disgusted at the idea of her, Severus would not have gotten to know her better. He would not have tried to help her. He would not have kissed her. But what was there for her to do now? She could not possibly knock at his classroom door and throw herself at him. She did not even know if he would be willing to talk to her about the kiss. Two options were available. First, she gave him some space and time to think things through, but with that approach, he might interpret her inaction as a sign of denial. Second, she acted on it as soon as she could, which could be seen as bold and needy. However, whatever actions she would take could wait for another night. Better sleep on it before making a stupid mistake. As she fell asleep, she still could not forget the feeling of his lips on her and wondered if she would ever experience it again. Based on those last images, Hermione had a really enjoyable dream that night.

 

~~~~~

 

She was in Professor’s Snape quarters, discussing the research and talking about the content of the book she gifted him. He smiled to her the same way he did when he received it and her heart could not help but melt at the sight. He asked if he could try out something on her arm and she proceeded by sitting next to him and lifting her the piece of cloth covering her left forearm. Severus gently rubbed her skin and was sitting dangerously close to her. She did not dare to say anything, scared he would stop whatever he was doing. Slowly, his hand made its way to her shoulder, then to her neck as he pulled her in for a kiss. Hermione did not show any resistance but encouraged him if anything.

He gestured her up and guided her to his room, pushing her on his bed as soon as they were close enough to it. Hermione let out a surprised gasp when she was suddenly thrown against the mattress. Not giving her any time to process anything, he joined her on the bed and covered her body with his, paying attention not to crush her with his weight. The girl urged him to remove his robes as he made his way down to her neck, sucking on the sensitive flesh to leave his mark on her skin. The professor lifted the back of her student slightly so he could open the back zipper of her dress. Already, her hands found their way under his shirt and he suppressed a shiver as the red cloth of her was thrown onto the floor, alongside his robes. She felt his hands travelling up and down her body, from her legs to her face, never stopping on a particular spot yet carefully avoiding any sensitive ones. Her slightly trembling hands unbuttoned his shirt before removing it from his shoulders. Severus took that opportunity to capture her lips once more and pinned her down on the bed as soon as he was bare-chest.

They spent some time kissing, enjoying the warmth of each other’s body and Hermione could feel how much her lover liked the situation. So much his pants were starting to hurt him. He fumbled with her bra for a bit before he managed to unclasp it and she took her chance to revert the roles, forcing him onto his back and straddling his hips, grounding herself against his swollen crotch. He hissed at the sensation and, tired of waiting, grabbed his wand – that was until then lying next to the pillow.

“Do you mind?” he asked, pointing at the remaining clothing.

She shook her head, bending over to kiss him as she felt her underwear vanish. She sat back on his thighs so she could grasp his erection. Severus moaned as she gave it one long and painful stroke. He let her play with him for a bit, enjoying the feeling of her hands on his sensitive bits but it was getting too much for him. He flipped her over again, gave her a passionate kiss before pressing his lips lower and lower. He left a trail a kiss from her neck, then between her breasts to finally stop at her navel, looking up only once to make sure she was still agreeing.  

Lust carved in her eyes, he smirked and resumed, gently caressing the inside of her thighs with his free hand. He pressed a soft kiss at her centre, causing her to moan loudly. Severus gently licked her bundles of nerves, swirling his tongue over the nub. Hermione clutched at the bedsheets and tried hard not to be loud as he was driving her crazy with his tongue. When he deemed, her prepared enough, he slowly slid two fingers inside of her, pumping a bit quicker every time he would pull them out, his mouth still busy with her wet folds.

“S-stop now…” she breathed out.

A bit worried, Severus removed himself from between her legs and waited for her to do something. She patted the bed to encourage him to lie down next to her, which he did, still unsure about why she asked him to stop. He was almost surprised when she took him in her hand again, except that this time, she climbed on top of him and lined him so he could easily enter her. She lowered herself slowly and it took every ounce of his willpower to not simply pushed himself into her in one motion. Instead, he let her take control for a bit and felt himself drown inch by inch into her womanhood. It was blissful torture to him but there was no word that could describe the feeling of being completely buried inside of her.

They stayed still for a few second so that she could adjust to the intrusion. She then slowly rose her hips and lower them, setting up a slow pace. Severus started meeting her thrust, loving every second of her riding him wildly, her breasts bouncing softly with every move. Placing his hands on her hips, he quickened the pace, pushing a bit deeper with every thrust. Their breathing became erratic with every slam of their hips together. Hermione clenched her walls around him as she climaxed on top of him, loudly moaning his name. Her tightening brought him closer to the edge and he pounded a few more times before he met his release inside of her. Hermione collapsed on top of him, covered in sweat and he pulled out of her. Both out of breath, they did not speak but fell asleep on his bed as soon as they were calm enough.

 

~~~~~

 

When Hermione woke up, she was not feeling ashamed about her dreams. For once, she could even say it was indeed a _dream_. Since they kissed, she felt like everything was possible, like her desires were maybe not meant to be hidden. Without being able to explain it, the Gryffindor knew she would have to take actions if she wanted to stand a chance… but was she ready for that? Yes, she could admit she had a fling on her potion Professor but taking actions could forever change it into something she was not sure she wanted. Yet they already had crossed a line. They kissed. And she loved it. Every minute, every second, she was craving it. She could not forget how he made her feel and that exact moment. She could not get the man out of her head.

“Don’t overthink it, Hermione, it won’t lead you anywhere,” she muttered to herself.

She stretched her whole body and took a cold shower before getting dressed and heading to breakfast. She sat alone at the Gryffindor table. Only a few members of the house were present for this Christmas break, and she did not know any of them good despite being a Head Girl.

“I see I am not the only one feeling lonely this morning,” Draco said as he took a seat in front of her.

“Are you feeling okay? Sitting at the Gryffindor table might ruin your reputation,” Hermione teased.

“Come on Gr- Hermione, as an aristocrat, I am passed that!” he chuckled.

They talked about their NEWTs light-heartedly. The both of them might not be close friends, but their truce was more than welcome after all that happened in the past.

“You know,” Draco’s tone turned serious, “I never took the time to apologise… Not only for what I’ve called you, but for my behaviour in general. I have been a real prick for years but I am grateful for all you did for me. I wondered a lot if I was born in the wrong family, a lot of ‘what ifs’ but I love my parents. They were not perfect and my dad dragged me into his beliefs but they cared. They have always loved me. I would like to apologise to your friends too, but I am not sure how it would go”

Hermione smiled to him, happy to see the human part of the young adult at last.

“Draco, Harry will be more than willing to start everything over, as long as you stay away from Dark magic. Ronald might need more time, mostly because he is still angry at the way you treated me, but I am sure he’ll come around.”

The blond nodded with a kind smile.

“Do… do you sometimes think about the War?” he asked.

“I do,” she admitted, “it sometimes keeps me awake at night”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” Draco answered with a supportive smile, though what she saw was another broken soul.

She glanced at the staff table and noticed Severus was absent.

“I’d better get going,” Draco said after finishing his plate. “I hope we will remain civil towards each other in the future”.

His last sentence sounded playful but the girl knew he was just keeping his feelings bottled up inside and trying to build up a life with what pieces he was left with. Maybe she should talk to Severus about him. Many of his friends were arrested or killed because of Voldemort and his parents were busy, so he probably did not have anybody to talk to.

Her eyes fell to her left arm. She smiled. She knew exactly what her next moves would be and for that, she would need all of her Gryffindor courage.


	10. A Step Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The heart sometimes doesn’t care about limits.”   
> ― Kristen Ashley, Fire Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely sorry for the waiting :(   
> I didn't mean to take so long, but well, I did! 
> 
> I still hope you will like what is to come :D
> 
> WARNING : see end notes (so people who don't want to be slightly spoil don't have to read it at the beginning of the chapter).

Hermione was not quite sure how she would carry out her plan. First of all, she was going to reach for him and see if he still wanted to work with her on the research. If so, then maybe she could find an opening somehow to let him know she was interested. No matter how she would look at it, it always sounded pretty silly to her. However, for that she had to be willing to share one of her worst memory. She shuddered at the thought of Bellatrix, whose laugh she could still hear every now and then.

Finishing her last bit of bread, she left the Great Hall and went straight to the library, searching for books about Curses she had not read yet. Maybe she could find some useful information in those, though she doubted Hogwart’s library still held any mysteries for her. Several hours later, she had still not found any useful information. Disappointed, she decided to study her NEWTs until hunger brought her back to reality. Checking the time, she noticed it was too late for her to head to the Great Hall, instead, she went directly to the Kitchens. She felt a sting in her heart knowing Dobby would not be there anymore. An elf called Milly brought her food and Hermione didn’t forget to thank the magical creature before stepping out of the kitchen.

Determined, she headed straight towards the dungeons. No way she would be able to sleep another night if they did not, somehow, sort things out. Still, in front of his quarters’ doors, she hesitated. In her head, she knew exactly what she would do or say, but reality did not always – if ever – fit her expectations. But as Ginny said, she shouldn’t shy away now. If there was something for her in there, then she had to give It a shot. She knocked, steeling herself in advance.

 

 

Severus was reading his new book when he heard someone knocking at his door. His heart skipped a beat as he wondered who that might be. It had to be the Gryffindor Head girl. For a moment, he stayed put, scared to open the door to only find someone else standing there. He realised it took too long when a second knock, shy this time, reached his ears. He jolted up and hurried to the door, opening it abruptly.

It took all of his strength to not smile when he saw that Hermione was the one standing in his door frame.

“Miss Granger,” he said dryly, expecting her to slap him in the face.

She frowned, surprised by his cold words.

“I… I wish to talk with you, sir,” she started.

As she did not start to yell in the middle of the hallway, he gestured her inside, not really looking forward whatever conversation the girl wished to have. A light smile appeared on her face when she saw the open book still lying on his armchair.

“About yesterday…” she started and noticed how he suddenly flinched at her words. “I wanted to accept your offer. It would be easier for you to just look at the memory. That is, if you are still interested in the research.”

He stared at her for a moment. Was he supposed to ask about the kiss?

“But I also would like to ask you something…”

Severus hated how he could not figure out what she was about to say. If only he was allowed to read her thoughts right now.

“Could I access your personal library? I know it is a lot to ask, but I believe you have more books of Curses than I will ever be able to find in Mrs Pince’s collections”.

He nodded, still eying her curiously.

“And finally, about… yesterday evening…” she said, blushing.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I had Firewhiskey and I…”

He pondered about his words for a second.

_I was so happy with your present._

_For once I felt like somebody cared about me._

He could not possibly tell her that. Severus Snape was not a man to talk about his feelings. Severus Snape was known to not have any, after all.

“It won’t happen again,” he finally concluded.

 “Well, no harm done. _At all_ ,” she hinted, smiling. “Shall we go on with the research?”

He nodded, no understanding how the girl could be so cool with all of this. He kissed her like a needy teenager the night before and here she was, smiling at him, not seeming bothered by it at all. Instead, she still wanted to work with him and he knew he couldn’t refuse her that. “ _At all”_ , what was that even supposed to mean? Surely, she would never like to kiss him, her old Potions Professor. The one that _bullied_ her and her friends during almost seven years.

“Are you sure you’re ready to let me enter your mind?” _again_ , but he kept the last word to himself.

“I would first like to learn more about Curses in general. I mean, you’ve done a lot of research while I was doing nothing but talking about my issues and studying for my exams… I want to be a part of it too,” she explained.

He sat down on his armchair, putting the book on the table.

“Before I let you access my books, I guess I should… _enlighten_ you about Curses in general. Just some background and basics should be enough for you to understand the matters you will find in those books. If you’re still interested, just sit down,” he said without any emotion.

Hermione quickly went to sit at the end of his couch, the closest seat from him, still stiffly sitting in his favourite armchair. She looked at him expectantly, her eyes lighting up with her thirst for knowledge. The front of her hair was tied up in a tiny ponytail, giving him a good look of her face. He hated it, yet he found her pretty, her hazel eyes fixed on his and a caring smile on her lips. He wanted nothing more but to go back to where he stopped the last night. To cup her face and crash his lips on her and… No, no, he should not even be thinking that. He cleared his throat, chasing those thoughts out of his mind.

“As you might already know, Curses in general are based on intention. You probably heard that about the Cruciatus curse, for example. The more you mean it, the more pain it will deal. While the intent of a potion is way subtler, cursing, with a wand or a magical artefact, will always be based on it. For example, Potter’s scar. This is not exactly a scar, if I may say. Meaning, it was an aftereffect of the Killing Curse. Yes, it was an act of hatred, but it’s the accident that caused the scar. This is why it’s not possible to heal or hinder it, because it’s a mark of Dark Magic that is not based of hatred. Voldemort’s intend was to kill, which is different. I suspect it is the same for the Dark Mark. We were given it as a reward, despite the fact that it is still a Curse. It was a brand to tell the world that the Dark Lord accepted us within his elitist rank. Of course, now I do regret taking it. _Willingly_. But what’s done is done. Yours, however, was a… torture wound. The sole intend of it was hatred. To mark, to humiliate, degrade, shame.”

Hermione nodded, captivated by what her Professor was saying. She did all she could not to let her fear show. Hearing those words reminded her of what she had been through.

“However, there is barely any research surrounding the treatment of such wounds. I, myself, bear a lot of those all over my body, but that probably does not come as a surprise to you. So, you see, I also have a reason to help you. I do not particularly care about my looks, but when your body is so disfigured that it’s made out of scars rather than skin, a change would be welcome.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I have been utterly selfish. Here I am, complaining about this scar which is probably not even a tenth of all the ones you have. I… I feel silly,” she apologised, looking at her feet in embarrassment.

“Don’t. If there had been any chance for me to remove my Dark Mark, I would have. And as I said, you’re not the only one that could use the treatment. Well, if we find it,” he stated calmly.

“Still. I can’t help but feeling incredibly selfish,” the Gryffindor admitted.

“Is that why you want to take part in the research now?”

“Yes,” _and because I needed a reason to come back to you_ , she added mentally.

An awkward silence followed. Hermione fidgeted in her seat, not sure if she should be the one initiating anything. Sure, she wished she could tell the man she felt attracted to him, but that was not the priority at the moment. They could come up with a cure that could help thousands of people and she knew her own selfish intents shouldn’t go before these.

“Are you sure we should go on with this?” Severus asked, still unsure about the whole situation.

The Gryffindor nodded.

“Can you think about the moment just before the torture began?”

Hermione nodded once more, quiet and slightly afraid. Snape raised his wand, wordlessly casting _Legilimens_.

Severus found himself in a room he knew way too well. Malfoy Manor, in their old dining room. He saw Death Eater take Weasley and Potter towards the cellar as Bellatrix grabbed the girl’s arm in what looked like a painful grasp. The Gryffindor was wandless and already hurt as she was thrown on the floor and the crazy witch sat on top of her.

Minutes felt like hours as Bellatrix whispered slurs and threats into the girl’s ear, keeping her attention with some _Crucio_ every now and then.

_“Little dirty mudbloods like you should not even be alive. I am going to kill you, girl, but slowly and painfully. I’ll show you what you and your kind deserve. To rot. I’ll send you in the garbage where you belong.”_

He could hear the words of the Death Eater echoing in his ear just as if he was at the receiving ends of them. The images began to blur and the landscape changed. He guessed the girl did not manage to keep on focusing.

_“Obliviate”_

He heard her mutter, wands pointed at people he never saw before just when he was withdrawing from her mind.

“I’m sorry,” the girl said. “I… It’s hard for me to focus on that memory. I’ve been trying to forget it for months”.

Severus nodded. He wondered who she could have used the spell on, but he knew better now than comment the memories she was not willing to share with him.

“Is it… too soon?” he asked slowly.

The Gryffindor shook her head.

“If I start thinking like this, it will always be too soon for me to remember. Let’s get this over with, please,” she answered, meeting his gaze.

She smiled softly, but he could see pain written all over her face. Something in his chest tightens but he refused to acknowledge it. Now was not the time. He entered her mind again.

Bellatrix started waving a dagger. She muttered something that Severus didn’t hear, but he doubted Hermione herself did in that moment. His blood ran cold when he heard her scream. He froze on spot when her high pitch whimpers filled his ears. He knew Hermione Granger was not someone easy to scare. As a true Gryffindor, she would hold onto her pride with all her strength before she started screaming like a banshee. He circled around them for a bit, finding the memory harder to watch than he would expected. After all, he’d seen Charity Burbage getting killed in front of him and did nothing. He had a choice, but he chose his cover. And he knew he would do it again if given the choice. That was what had to be done. Now he was watching her getting tortured as a way to help her, to help people, and he did not quite know where to begin.

The memory swirled in front of his eyes and just as he started withdrawing, he saw a flash of… himself? Barely dressed, kissing her fiercely and, undoubtedly, sexually. As soon as he returned from her mind, he looked away.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled awkwardly.

She glanced in his direction and noticed a widespread blush on his face. The sight was so uncommon and surreal that, for a moment, she forgot her own embarrassment. He was not making fun of her, no, he was awkward. Severus Snape, of all people, was blushing in front of her and she could not believe it.

“What are you staring at?” He spat when he noticed her pointed look.

“Uh… oh… You’re… blushing” she stuttered.

For a second, he looked horrified and Hermione concluded that she never saw that much emotion on his face once since the day she entered Hogwarts. It was unsettling, to say the least. Yet he suddenly looked like a man. Not just a wall without emotions. Not just Dumbledore’s pawn. He looked human.

“It looks good on you… emotions, I mean,” she said, wondering about how he’d react to that.

“Emotions did not help me keeping my cover for sixteen years,” he answered abruptly.

She sighed. Once again, he became the snarky git he always had been in class. She stood up and took a step in his direction.

“You’re not a spy anymore,” she whispered.

“What exactly is your point, Miss Granger?”

“That the War is over. You don’t have to hide your emotions anymore. Why don’t you just… be yourself and take a new start now that you can?!” she pushed.

“And why do you think this person right now is _not myself_?!” He screamed, his voice soaked in anger.

Hermione realized she might have pushed a bit too hard, but the man was infuriating. He kept on living like Voldemort was still alive and it would justify him behaving like a bully.

“Because you can _feel_!”, she insisted. “Your love for Lily Evans was real. The smile I saw when you opened your present… it was real too…”

“The fact that I loved Lily Evans has nothing to do with this!” He stormed before opening the door of his quarters, gesturing her to leave.

The Gryffindor did not seem bothered by his temper in the least. She just stood in front of him, arm crossed, huffing at his words like he was one of her dunderhead friends.

“You are a great man, but if you keep hiding it, people will continue to call you a git for the rest of your days,” she spat before spinning on her heels and heading towards the wide-opened door.

Surprisingly, he grabbed her forearm, forcing her to face him again.

“If I was such a great man, then I would not want to _fuck_ you, right here, right now”

He spoke the words in her ears, so low it was just a whisper to her. _That’s it, you may run and never come back now. So much for a great man_ , he thought bitterly. The girl flinched but did not go away. He wondered if he had scared her so much that she could not move anymore. Standing close to her, he could already feel her warmth radiating from her body. He could hear her breathing. Her scent was intoxicating and he wanted nothing more than burying his face in the crook of her neck and ravish her or his couch.

Before he could dwell on such thoughts, he stepped back and looked at her face, crimson red. Almost Gryffindor red.

“… lust is an emotion,” she blurted out after a minute that felt like hours to him.

A million thoughts were running through her mind. Did he mean that? Maybe he was only trying to scare her off. Both? She could never be sure with this man.

“Insufferable know-it-all,” he muttered.

“Expressing emotions is good,” she insisted.

“Of course it is,” he snarled, “after all, there’s nothing wrong with being a disgusting pervert”.

“No, you’re not!” she replied fiercely.

Severus then made a choice he knew he would regret, but if she was not ready to believe that he was nothing like a good man, then he had to show her the bad and the ugly. He had to show her what kind of monster he was. He closed the open door with a flick of his hand and pushed her against it. He put his arms of both side of her so that she could not flee him and lowered his month to her neck, filling his nose with the scent of her.

“If I was a great man, I wouldn’t do _this_ ”

He closed the space between their bodies, covering her body with his as he used one of his hand to travel up her tight, stopping below her skirt. His erection was pressing against her stomach, hard and unmistakable.

“If I was a great man, as you say, I wouldn’t want you like this,” his voice was hoarse and Hermione wasn’t quite sure if it expressed regret, desire or hatred. “Now leave before I make another terrible mistake”.

This time, the girl left without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The warning I put stands for the behaviour of Severus, which goes a bit off limits here. It's too early to say dub-con, but this could be seen as non-consensual touching, just so you know. 
> 
> I don't, in any way, support unconsensual behaviours, however, I do think that in the case of Severus Snape, we're dealing with a complex character that doesn't quite know how to deal with things and build something healthy. 
> 
> Have a nice day!

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews would be much appreciated since I'd like to see if I can do more with this (that got more serious that I would've thought to begin with) and if there are way that I can improve my writings! 
> 
> Lots of love~ ♥


End file.
